Tag Archives: vaccines

Kremlin: Vladimir Putin comes out in support of whatever cause you happen to believe in

MOSCOW- Kremlin spokesperson Dmitry Peskov finally confired rumors that Russian president Vladimir Putin made bold public statements on GMO’s and vaccines in recent years. At a Friday morning press conference Peskov explained that his boss not only had strong opinions about vaccines and GMO’s, but that he actually supports whatever cause any given social media user might passionately support.

“There is no issue that escapes Putin’s concern,” Peskov told reporters. “If you see a viral news story in your news feed and it claims that Putin said something that supports a cause or idea you personally support, you can rest assured that the quote is 100% genuine and Vladimir Putin cares very deeply about whatever issue it is.”

The Kremlin’s confirmation dispelled controversy which erupted after the dissemination of a number of viral news stories such as one headlined “PUTIN EXPOSES VACCINES,” wherein the Russian president had allegedly claimed that vaccines were a plot used by “Western governments” to enslave humanity.

In that article, Putin was reported to have said: “When your children are barely human, psychologically-altered bots, their nerve cells and synapses failing to connect, and their neurodevelopmental processes dulled to the point of restricting them to sub-human level repetitive grunts and gormless stares, what are you going to do then?”

Critics initially pointed out that the style, vocabulary, and subject matter of the quote in no way resembled anything the president had said before, but the Kremlin’s confirmation this morning has put their objections to rest.

Experts say that this precedent now confirms the Russian president also firmly supports a host of other causes that social media users care about, from gun ownership to economic theory.

Ron Howell, 36, of Lubbock, Texas says he came to admire the Russian president for his stance on gun rights.

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Example of a viral “meme” with a formerly controversial quote

“To be honest I never really thought about the president of Russia- I’d always figured he was just another Commie we’d forgotten to kill in WWII,” Howell explained as he sat in his living room cleaning one of several semi-automatic firearms while wearing full US military-spec tactical gear.

“But then one of my buddies from the range shared this quote from Putin on Facebook and I realized that the Russian president is one of us. I like him a whole lot better than that Kenyan Marxist Nazi usurper Obama. No wonder the liberal media’s always on Putin’s case.”

Nick Grimes, 21, a computer science student at UCLA, says he was impressed by the Russian president’s thoughts on free market economics.

“Look, I’ve taken econ 101, I’m a regular on the Misis Insitute forum, I know how economics works,” said Grimes.

“Unfortunately are glorious leaders don’t know jack. They think they can just keep spending and borrowing forever, providing welfare to lazy people while strangling the industrious, the job creators.”

Grimes found encouragement in his Facebook news feed, however, when a friend shared a image of Putin expressing his opinion on economic policy. putinfreemarket

“Finally, someone gets it, I thought,” Grimes explained. “I’m already thinking of moving to Russia and starting a business there. If I stay here, the government will just tax and regulate me to death.”

Still others see in Putin a crusader against out of control capitalism and corporate domination, such as Jason Ellis, 22, a political science student at Boston University.

“Obviously our own leaders don’t care about wealth inequality just like they don’t care about racism, misogyny, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, gender-binary normativity, cultural appropriation,decolonization, Palestinian rights, speciesism, classism, or post-industrial post-modernist third wave anarcho-feminism, but that’s not the case in Russia,” Ellis said, who was wearing a souvenir ushanka hat complete with a Soviet army badge in spite of the pleasant 75 degree weather.

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“This is why the Western media is always demonizing Putin, especially after he stopped the neocons’ fascist neo-liberal coup in Ukraine from spilling over his borders. He’s a threat to the Global North’s hegemony.”

Ellis added that he too hopes to move to Russia one day, as he heard they have free healthcare there.

Until Friday, most Russia experts and Kremlinologists would have laughed at the idea that Vladimir Putin actually supports so many disparate and often contradictory causes, but now each and every social media user can be certain that if they see a quote from the Russian president that appears to agree with their worldview, they are in fact getting Putin’s genuine opinion on the matter. putinlp

“Let me make this absolutely clear,” presidential spokesmen Peskov said when questioned by skeptical reporters at this morning’s press conference. “Putin totally supports anything you happen to believe in. So be sure to share that picture or link.”

 

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A Putin for everyone

One of the most bizarre aspects of the Putin cult is how flexible his image is, especially in the West. Vladimir Putin can basically be whomever you want. If you’re a leftist who hates the IMF and “neo-liberal” economics, Putin’s a quasi-socialist who stands up to imperialism, US hegemony, and fascism. Of course Putin presides over a state with one of the most staggering rates of wealth inequality in the industrialized world, the minimum wage is roughly 80 euros a month, and the state promotes, organizes, and supports far-right wing neo-fascist movements at home and abroad. On the other hand if you’re a far-right wing conservative who sees Putin as a defender of the Christian faith and Western values, you might be very dismayed to walk the streets of Moscow in some neighborhoods, while Kurban bayram will make you shit bricks of rage. Of course when you do, be sure Kadyrov and his friends don’t find out about it.

These days, the molding and manipulation of Putin in the minds of Westerners goes beyond simple left-right dichotomies. Now it seems whatever you hate, Putin hates, and what’s more he’s doing something about it. As it turns out, while real Putin is pulling out of Syria, Fantasy Putin is waging a new war- against vaccines. No seriously, vaccines. Check it out.

I don’t really need to think I need to thoroughly debunk something this insanely stupid, particularly since none of the quotes are properly sourced and the information supposedly comes from an “insider” in the Russian health ministry. Still, there are some really funny bits like this:

“Russian president Vladimir Putin says that Western governments are enslaving humanity through vaccines.

‘When your children are barely human, psychologically-altered bots, their nerve cells and synapses failing to connect, and their neurodevelopmental processes dulled to the point of restricting them to sub-human level repetitive grunts and gormless stares, what are you going to do then?’”

Here’s a little tip- Russia has certainly been sliding in the science department as of late, but they vaccinate children. Thank God, Allah, Carl Sagan, or whomever that Russia, as stressed as its health care system has become, vaccinates kids. Putin shut down foreign adoptions and food imports practically on a whim, so if he ever really said that the West was enslaving humanity via vaccines, he could just as easily shut that down. Hell, he’s very slowly shutting the healthcare system down via cuts and poor spending decisions. But in this case the latter doesn’t matter because RUSSIA VACCINATES ITS CHILDREN!

Now that second bit is supposed to be a direct quote from Putin. No. Just no. Putin never said that. Putin never said anything like that. Mark your calendar. Remember this day. This is the day I actually got genuinely offended on behalf of Vladimir Putin simply by the implication that he would say something so monstrously ridiculous. I know from personal experience that Putin often says stupid, delusional things, and yet this is beneath him. Far beneath him.

Whoever came up with that (I’m guessing the author of the piece) must really hate children. I mean is that what modern children look like to you? Are they anywhere close to being restricted to “sub-human level repetitive grunts and gormless stares?” This is approaching Nazi eugenics theory in its depravity.

Given the kind of disinformation put out by the Kremlin via seemingly independent blogs and websites, I know what some of you might be thinking: “OH GOD NO! PUTIN IS WEAPONIZING ANTI-VACCINE CONSPIRACIES!” I wouldn’t venture that far just yet though. Global Research, a conspiracy site often cited by the Kremlin press, does traffic in anti-vaccine nonsense. Still, I don’t think the source is from the Russian media. Were that the case, we’d probably see more anti-vaccine bullshit in Russia. I suspect these people are attracted to conspiracy theory clearing houses like Global Research because the latter is happy to promote any anti-Western government claim.

No, I think what we have here is an example of a phenomenon that actually pre-dates the Russian information offensive in 2014 and in fact pre-dates the existence of networks like RT.  Global Research, for example, was founded in 2001, only a year after Putin became president and roughly four years before the debut of RT, which in those days was actually about Russia. Unfortunately these days many of our Western pundits like to pretend that Putin and his propaganda bullhorn are reaching out and creating legions of useful idiots in the West, when in fact long ago many of these people were working their way toward Putin and not the other way around.

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“Did somebody say propaganda bullhorn?!”

For many people in the West, there’s a very simple way to explain world politics. If you don’t like your own government, see who they criticize, and see who criticizes them back. Whoever that happens to be is your “ally.” For those who believe in various conspiracy theories, it’s very easy to imagine that the real reason the West criticizes Putin is because he must be doing something “right.” The neo-Nazis believe that Putin is preserving a “white” nation, that he “kicked out the Jewish oligarchs,” and that he preserves “traditional values.” I remember some more mainstream conservatives admired Putin because they thought he had a no-nonsense approach to the war on terror, and that he was not beholden to political correctness when dealing with Islamic terrorism. Now these neo-hippies have apparently decided that Putin is an enemy of vaccines, Big Pharma, and he loves organic farming. No doubt we’ll soon see a new article claiming that he has personally endorsed daily coffee enemas.

It’s not that the recent information offensive by the Kremlin hasn’t exacerbated this sort of thing. They certainly figured out long ago that many Americans and other Westerners are susceptible to this sort of thing, but sometimes the image of Putin these people have is, as in this case, truly bizarre. That and I’ve never seen a confirmed example of genuine pro-Kremlin media totally fabricated quotes by Putin. It seems like the kind of rare thing that could get someone fired.

Realizing that people can and indeed do concoct their own imaginary Putin hero-avatars, it makes you wonder what Fantasy Putin might do next. Maybe he’ll be a radical feminist who calls out another politician for their “problematic” comments and dismissive attitude toward others’ lived experience. On the flip side, maybe he’ll publicly lament how feminists are destroying video games and thus hammering the nail in the coffin of masculinity. Maybe he’ll announce that his health is due to his all-organic kale diet. In spite of his, shall we say, cold family situation, perhaps we’ll find out he has some really strong opinions about home-birthing, if not child-rearing in general. Then again, he may say something along the lines of that statement he made to the State Duma a couple weeks ago:

“True, at first I didn’t like Russia Without BS. But then it grew on me because it’s become increasingly clear that I cannot rely on my advisers to be anything but batshit insane. Look where that got me! Look where it got us! And would somebody for the love of God please tell me what’s on my spokesman’s head? What am I even doing here? I just wanted to do judo and try out some of these so-called video games everyone’s been talking about! God bless that Jim Kovpak, who has not only made me see Ukraine’s point of view, but also reality itself. As for all of you guys, you can go eat the world’s biggest bag of dicks. They’ll be served to you with snow shovels. Now I’m going to hold this microphone out in front of me and drop it in a nonchalant fashion.”    -Vladimir Putin