Tag Archives: RT

Oh RT! (cue laugh track, credits)

Are you ready for WACKY HYJINKS with the funniest guys East of the Baltics? Better tune in to RT this week and see what CRAZY ideas they’ll come up with next.  For example, if you follow the news on president Putin’s official websites, you probably already know that Putin, in a special phone call to French president Hollande, personally gave his condolences to the families and friends of the victims in Wednesday’s Charlie Hebdo terrorist attack:

Vladimir Putin expressed his sincere condolences to Francois Hollande and the people of France following the terrorist attack on the Charlie Hebdo newspaper office.

The President of Russia condemned this barbaric act and expressed hope that its perpetrators will be found and receive the punishment they deserve. Mr Putin asked Francois Hollande to express words of deep sympathy and support to the families of the victims and wishes for a speedy recovery to the injured.

Francois Hollande thanked Vladimir Putin for his expression of friendship.

Russia’s foreign ministry also made a statement of condolences to the victims and the people of France. The link is only in Russian at the moment, but it stresses the need for “active cooperation in the fight against the threat of terrorism.”

The tone of Russia’s state-run media is a bit different, though. Literally the day after the attack, RT published this piece, entitled: “Who profits from killing Charlie?” As you might have guessed, less than a day after the attack “Pepe” Escobar, internet detective extraordinaire, has decided this attack looks a little too convenient to be a run-of-the-mill terrorist operation. No, even though the journal apparently received threats for years, in spite of the fact that their offices had been firebombed for the same reasons associated with the fanatics responsible for Wednesday’s shooting, this whole thing is just a little too coincidental! I mean come on, people who continually issued death threats and committed acts of arson eventually ended up making good on their promises of blood? Nice try, liberal media.

Obviously I’m not going to spend time debunking this idiotic theory, especially since not all the details in the case are even known. I do want to highlight a couple of things, though.

Pepe’s thesis

A pro-style jihadist commando attack in Europe’s heart. Cui bono?

Careful planning and preparation, Kalashnikovs, rocket-propelled grenade launcher, balaclavas, sand-colored ammunition vest stuffed with spare magazines, army boots, easy escape in a black Citroen…

And the icing on this particularly lethal cake: faultless Paris-based logistical support to pull it all off. A former top French military commander, Frédéric Gallois, has stressed the perfect application of “urban guerrilla technique” (where are those notorious Western counter-terrorism “experts” when one needs them?)

I’m looking at this and can’t even find a place to start. There is simply too much raw, concentrated idiocy contained in these two paragraphs. I will say this though, if you ever want to plan a terrorist attack and pull it off with efficiency, at least 90% of the information you need is right in front of your face. You’re on it now, this thing called the internet. Other than that, you can train in the woods with airsoft weapons, or as it might be the case in this situation, you can go to some foreign country and join an insurgency already in practice. Every day thousands of people around the world are engaging in paramilitary training, sometimes just for fun. Also in light of the fact that Russian officials have been using this as an example of why the West shouldn’t see Russia as the main threat, wouldn’t the most obvious conspiracy theory say that the Russians were behind the attack? Cui bono, remember?

I’m going to stop now. There is no point in arguing with someone who produces such stupidity within the first few lines of his article. I know he already decided this was a “false flag” before the blood dried. That’s how these people work. They’re so much smarter than all us dupes who believe the “mainstream media.” If only we just accept their alternative explanations and spread them around, then…something would…happen. Remember  when they said 9-11 was an inside job and published hundreds if not thousands of books on the subject since 2001? Remember how radically this message changed our society, spurring people on to revolution? Okay, in more than a decade that revolution still hasn’t happened. But with this new false flag theory plus the 9-11 inside job claims, 2015 could be the year for radical revolution! Please just listen to me! I’m important! I know what’s really going on!

Seriously, fuck that guy. His article isn’t even the first example of Russian conspiracy theories I’ve seen on the net, blaming the attack on the US to “punish” Hollande for backing down on sanctions. No doubt other state-owned media outlets in Russia have already allowed this theory to leak out. All this is going on while Putin and Lavrov express their “sincere” condolences to the French people and the families of the victims. That shows you how trustworthy they are.  And before you object to that, yes, Putin has a direct line to all state run media in Russia via his personal press secretary Dmitry Peskov.

Since this is all rather depressing, I’d like to point out some highlights found in the comments section, always a gathering of great minds on any RT article. It’s sure to lift you up after reading that depressing garbage they subjected us to.

This comment is from a user named “justiceforall,” but I think the real culprit is “doge.”


RT Amazing journalism.

This is the new Intercept!!”

WOW! Much journalism! Such recovery will take 2 years but is inevitable because the global economy will grow!

WOW! Much journalism! Such recovery will take 2 years but is inevitable because the global economy will grow!

Like on most sites, comments can be voted up or down by other readers. That one had a rating of +1. Keep that in mind.

This next comment is a spam message that managed to get by their mods. It had a negative rating of -2:

I was without work for 6 months when my former Co-worker finally recommended me to start freelancing from home… It was only after I earned $5000 in my first month when I actually believed I could do this for a living! Now I am happier than ever… I work from home and I am my own boss now like I always wanted… I see a lot of unhappy people around me, working the same old boring job that’s sucking the life out of them day by day… Everytime I see someone like that I say START FREELANCING MAN! This is where I started

✒✒✒✒✒✒✒✒ w­w­w­.J­o­b­s­7­0­0.­c­o­m

If he/she works from home, who are all those unhappy people they see around them? Their partner and children? I’m calling bullshit.

The next comment actually displays critical thinking and a concern for journalism.

International news sites have a duty to provide factual news articles with evidence and sources. RT is not a tabloid a columnist can just spurt an entirely opinionated article on. Granted western media isn’t unbiased and doesn’t always give the facts. But ignoring facts completely and having an article like this which is only fit for a tabloid, discredits this site (I am an avid reader).

If this article provide some factual basis, evidence or quoted sources, and was less rambling. It would be acceptable, as it is, this article isn’t worthy of RT and should be trashed.

What rating did other readers give that comment? Minus 9.

Fuck RT.

RT Comment Masterpieces

Hello Dear Readers,

In today’s special presentation, we shall be examining, critiquing, and exploring the themes, style, and prose of some of the finest comments from RT.com

The three samples in this critical examination were taken from a story chosen at random from RT’s front page, in this case a story about the Cliven Bundy fiasco in the state of Nevada.

The first piece we will be examining comes from author Emmett.

“The US is now a police state so naturally the gov’t sees nothing wrong with them pointing their guns at citizens who dare to disobey their doers.

The gov’t commit a lot of crimes and it runs the gambit from murder to theft. The FBI need to investigate who stole gold of American people from Ft. Knox and replaced it with gold-plated tungsten bars.”

I would say that the most overt theme in this piece is that of sheer rage, but there is a certain stereotype which considers anger to be a consistent and running theme in nearly all RT comments. What makes this particular offering unique is the more subtle themes of betrayal, mystery, and curiosity. When we read it, our initial rage at the government is replaced by a general unease as the author raises the question of stolen gold being replaced by gold-plated tungsten bars.  In this way the reader is drawn into the narrative and forced to confront this pressing question. We wonder if the mystery of the missing gold will ever be solved.  Then again, we must also consider that the stolen gold and the tungsten may in fact be metaphors. The former possibly represents our youthful, idealistic dreams, which are “stolen” by time itself. The gold plated tungsten bars signify an adult life which appears to have the same luster on the outside, yet on the inside it is grey and extremely dense.  If this interpretation is indeed correct, we might be tempted to ask whether we ever truly achieve our dreams as we grow up? Or do we merely maintain a brilliant facade which conceals internal mediocrity?

From the same story we get a more cutting edge, post-modern, and brazenly controversial offering from one “A. Smith.”

“Without the large numbers of well armed USA Citizens militia members at the Bundy Ranch, the Zionist corrupted Obama Whitehouse would have certainly generated another Wacco Texas massacre to further frighten and crush the American spirit which opposes the Obama PoliceState and the criminal Obama actions to crush, abuse and remove the USA Bill of Rights and the USA Constitution.

Armed Resistance is the Answer to the wicked Zionists who prey on their victims with impunity when they are unarmed women, children time and time again.

Impe ach Obama NOW”

Here it’s clear that the author’s style is supposed to mirror his emotional state. It is chaotic, aggressive, and rebellious.  The rules of spelling, grammar, and syntax are cast down, unleashing the full force of the author’s rage. He confronts us and demands an answer as to why he should follow our society’s rules.  Just when we think that we are starting to grasp the strands of his thoughts and gather them into something of a coherent ideology, he turns the tables on us by making the cryptic demand to “Impe ach Obama NOW.”  A guttural, instinctive interpretation would suggest that he is saying Obama should be impeached, but both misspelling and arbitrarily dividing the word into “Impe ach” may conceal a deeper, hidden meaning. “NOW” conveys urgency of course.  Perhaps the mystery can be explained if we could bring ourselves to accept that Obama in this piece, is actually nothing more than a metaphor for ourselves.  In essence, we are all Obama.

Commentator “Sean” is a classical practitioner of the “minimalist” school of commenting.

So the bullies don’ get their way now they resort to threats. 
USA=dictatorshi p.”

It was Shakespeare who once said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Sean’s comment is a perfect example of this. Yet short though it may be, the author still manages to inject some character into the offering by writing in a dialect which makes the one complete sentence sound as if it sprang from the mouth of a wise old Southern grandfather figure. One can easily imagine that comment being read by Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones.  If the first line is a succulent cut of filet mignon, the second line is the creme brulee for dessert. Here the author challenges the commonly accepted notion that minimalist style is devoid of prosaic flourishes as haiku is devoid of metaphors.  What was true of 90’s-era minimalism simply isn’t true in post-minimalist style, which eschews not only standard grammatical conventions but even letters themselves.  The definite article “the” is discarded so as to focus all attention on the subject, the USA.  An equals sign connects the two nouns of the sentence.  The unnecessary space right before the final ‘p’ in dictatorship forces us to pause and take a breath just before we complete the word and the line’s central idea.