Tag Archives: Poroshenko

Guest Post: Ukraine Wonk Explains Elections, Neo-Nazis, and Russian Propaganda

By Joe Dandleton

With less than a week to go to Ukraine’s historic presidential election, it’s a good time to discuss what this means for Ukraine, the West, NATO, Russia, Putin, and the Baltic states. There are several dozen candidates but only three in the top three and only one can win after two rounds of democratic combat. Already things are looking difficult for incumbent Petro Poroshenko, known as the “Porky Chocolate Man” on the streets of Kyiv. He’s facing series challenges from TV comedian Volodymyr Zelensky and Gas Queen Yulia Tymoshenko, who comes in both her normal female form and a male form known as Yuriy Tymoshenko. In a way, you could almost say the top three is a top four, but that’s what you’d say because you’re not Ukraine-savvy and never worked for the State Department like I did. So take my word for it, Russian trolls, it’s a top three- both Tymoshenkos count as one person.

Back to Zelensky. Is he the Kremlin’s candidate? Or is the Kremlin’s candidate Zelensky? Does anyone truly know for sure in this era of hybrid warfare and dezinformatsiya? No, no one does. Except me. And I will tell you this about Zelensky. He’s a comedian, and comedians see their careers go down in flames all the time. Sure, he might be doing very well now (possibly with Kremlin support channeled through Belarus’ Last European Dictator Alexander Lukashenka), but who’s to say he doesn’t pull a Louis CK before election day? And if he does, do we know if it was genuine or could it have been a case of kompromat set up by the Russian intelligence services. Nobody knows. Nobody can know. That’s the point of clandestine hybrid warfare and dezinformatsiya, known as deza for short.

But there’s one factor everyone (except me) is forgetting during this critical time when Ukraine is standing at the crossroads at the intersection of N. Fulfill Minsk Street and Get Totally Fucked Road, and that is the neo-Nazi ultranationalists such as Andriy Biletsky’s National Azov C14 Corps. Recently they have been holding rallies all across Ukraine attacking Poroshenko. It is they who coined clever nicknames for him such as the aforementioned Porky Chocolate Man, Piggly-Wiggly, and President Fuckface. The question is, who does the Azov 14 Corps actually work for?

To my trained eye, this whole movement appears to be some kind of complex Russian hybrid propaganda campaign. Given the state of advanced animatronics these days, it’s entirely possible that Russia has created a small army of androids capable of marching in parades and mouthing simplistic slogans. Think this is too far-fetched? Just look at how many articles on RT and Sputnik are about sex robots. There are so many that I don’t even have to use Google to learn the latest developments in sex robots; Russia has become my number one source on that. And besides, you cannot say these National Corps thugs aren’t robots when you haven’t administered anything like a Voight-Kampff test or ripped one of them in half to see if they have milky blood a la Bishop from Aliens.

Of course maybe the neo-Nazis aren’t a Russian propaganda ploy to undermine Poroshenko. Maybe I’m just writing the above to make light of those who insist they are working directly or indirectly for Russia. Maybe I am in fact just amplifying the Kremlin’s narrative of a Ukraine overrun by Nazis. You don’t know. I don’t know. You definitely don’t know. Andriy Biletsky may know. Someone should probably ask him. If you do, ask him what he’d do if he were in the desert and saw a tortoise lying on its back. It’s like a turtle if that helps.

The fact is we’re down to the wire in Ukraine. There is corruption and not enough reforms. Or possibly too much reforms and not enough corruption. Will Poroshenko be the one to bring balance to the reforms and corruption so one does not displace the other and allow Putin to seize more of Ukraine? Or will Zelensky and the Tymoshenkos unleash the National Corps which could be as much under the control of Vladimir Putin as it is under the control of Interior Minister Avakov? Too early to call. Much too early. But I feel like we’ll have a lot of answers to a lot of questions we never knew we had until tomorrow, next week. Stay tuned.

 

Joe Dandleton is a DC based analyst who spent a year and a half working for the US State Department in Ukraine after 2014’s Euromaidan Revolution. He says he is lost and can’t find his metro card or keys and that it is ‘getting very cold and dark out now.’ 

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Ukrainians vs. Little Russians

Well it just so happens that on a day when I have numerous ideas for articles, I also have other obligations and little time in which to fulfill them. That being said, I do have something for the time being, which I think is extremely important.

This is an open letter to Ukrainian president Petro Poroshenko, asking him not to approve those idiotic, anti-free speech laws which were recently passed by the Ukrainian Rada. The letter is signed by numerous Ukrainian and international academics. Once again, the list contains many of the same people who signed a petition in support of Maidan which, while acknowledging the problematic influence of the far right,condemned attempts to portray the whole movement as being wholly controlled by fascists or right-wing extremists. In other words, good lucky claiming these people are shills for the Kremlin.

Given his status as an oligarch, and some of his more boneheaded actions which at times are eerily similar to those of Vladimir Putin, I never had any love for Poroshenko. I support the citizens of Ukraine, Ukrainian independence, and Ukraine’s territorial integrity, in spite of any conflicts I might have with certain people or factions in Ukraine, or the Ukrainian government. Having said that, if Poroshenko strikes these laws down, he would be making a bold step in favor free-speech and progressive politics. More than this, he would be drawing a clear line of separation between two nations, Ukraine on one hand, and Putin’s Russia on the other.

With the stroke of a pen, Poroshenko can prove that Ukraine is truly moving forward, or he can fulfill the fondest wishes of the Kremlin rulers and their propagandists, not to mention their military strategists. Let’s hope Petro makes the right choice.