Tag Archives: idiots

The Pinnacle of Manliness

I originally was going to write this as a sort of palate cleanser before returning to the usual topic of Russia’s wacky adventures in fantasy land, but to be honest I’m thinking I’d rather be writing stuff like this than covering Russia and Ukraine. I’ll address why in a later post, rest assured, but for now let’s just say that it is repetitive, boring,and depressing. So with that in mind, here’s something completely different.

As we are constantly told by the media and totally well-adjusted adult Youtube personalities, there’s a “masculinity crisis” in America, or the West in general. The alt-right, “Men’s Rights” movement, and the general “anti-feminist” community we see on the internet all seem to think so. PUAs (Pick Up Artists), Red Pillers (dumb fucks), MGTOW (You don’t even want to know)- all of these masses of mostly millennial males are struggling with this crisis of masculinity. Some in rather bizarre ways, such as the so-called “Proud Boys” which have a rule against masturbation. Hilariously, or perhaps tragically, all these defenders of traditional masculinity seek to end that “crisis” by demanding more of the same thing that caused it in the first place, but that’s a subject for a very long post if not a book.

Recently I heard a rather hilarious reading of a conservative’s column about this subject courtesy of the Chapo Trap House, and it made me recall a similar article I’d riffed on years before I even started blogging. It also brought back some memories of other things I’d read and I began to notice a curious, if not ridiculous theme in this genre of writing. If I could put this theme into words, I’d call it “bullshit masculinity,” and I would define it as people lamenting the “loss of traditional masculinity” and then presenting personal examples that set the bar ridiculously low.

To demonstrate what I mean I’ll start with the example of that article I riffed on years ago. Unfortunately I couldn’t find my original note and don’t remember the author’s name, but it was about why soccer is somehow destroying America. In case anyone is already wondering, yes, he basically steals jokes from that episode of King of the Hill about American football versus soccer. The only difference is that the TV show was being somewhat ironic and the jokes were actually funny. But conservatives do seem to have trouble mixing up fiction and real life, after all.

So the author’s gist is how soccer is all about not playing to win, participation trophies, standard millennial hate before it was mainstream. He’s obviously going to compare it to a more wholesome, American sport, and for added surprise, it just happens to be one that he played in high school!

If you’re guessing he played American football you’d be wrong. Boxing? Not even close. Basketball? Nope.

Baseball. He played baseball.

Yes, that sport where players spend long periods of time just standing around or sitting in a dugout.

In a pathetic attempt to make his readers think baseball is hardcore, he talks about how the opposing teams infielders would be screaming “Ey batter batter!” like…get ready for this awesome metaphor…”Buddhist monks on steroids.” And he warns you that if you weren’t careful, the pitcher might just brush you with a fastball to remind you that you’re not playing a kids game. This is a game of true men. A game of sweat glistening off the iron biceps of men who can admire that in a totally heterosexual way, whether on the field or in the locker room, away from prying eyes of those ever-nagging women.

Moving on to the article read by the Chapo crew, this particular author laments that based on one study, male grip strength is significantly weaker among millennial males. By extension we’re supposed to believe that millennial males are weaker than previous generations, including those generations’ females.

So now you’re ready to here his personal anecdotes about all the manly things he did back in his proper childhood, right? Well get ready for a letdown. Apparently his examples consisted of helping his dad change the oil on their car and carrying firewood around. And I was really hoping for tales about underground vale tudo matches in the favelas of Rio.

Aggiunta olio motore

CAN YOU DO THIS, YOU MILLENNIAL BETA SJW CUCKS?!! CAN YOU?!

Are you starting to see a pattern here? Guy makes a career off of complaining about the decline of traditional masculinity, and then tries to make the rather mundane tasks he did seem like the equivalent of storming the beach at Normandy or being an MMA fighter. Sure there are people who pull this shtick who have done some objectively hardcore shit in their lives. Chris Sajnog shoehorns laments about gender and masculinity into a book he wrote about how to shoot better, but in Chris’ defense, he’s an actual retired Navy SEAL. He’s not some guy writing, “Man these so-called young men today are all a bunch of pussies! If only they knew the kind of shit I saw when I worked the grill at McDonald’s during the lunch rush!”

I’ve even seen this kind of thing pop up when reading articles by expats extolling the virtue of Russian or Ukrainian women. According to them, these women appreciate traditional masculinity, and make you feel like a real man! And how do they do this, you ask? By letting you buy them stuff for no reason. Yes, you’re supposed to feel like a real man by holding the doors for a woman you know nothing about, and then paying for her dinner, movie ticket, or whatever. That’s what passes for “chivalry” these days. You know back in the day you had to hold your vanquished enemies for ransom, among many other duties, to be considered chivalrous. Nowadays guys who can’t even ride a damned horse say they have chivalry because they bought some woman named Olga an overpriced meal. If only Godfrey of Bouillon could have a word with them.

The last breed of these morons consists of those who exalt things like the military and combat experience yet never served. I remember one piece by one of these “manosphere” dorks that was all about how the lack of major wars is somehow leading to a decline in masculinity. I just had to skim a few paragraphs before I had the guy pegged. I sent him an email telling him I was a journalist who’d worked in a warzone and I was interested in his experiences of combat. He replied quite promptly- never served in the military. I guess he doesn’t need all that character building; he’s already a real man because he writes about it.

Look, defenders of “traditional masculinity,” I ask you kindly- if you want to write an article lamenting the supposed decline of manliness, don’t try to pass off your mundane sports, household chores, or automotive maintenance skills as hardcore pillars of the masculine ideal. If you’re ashamed because you never boxed or worked as a lumberjack or whatever you see as being more objectively masculine, feel free to express your regrets about that. Or maybe just shut the fuck up and join a gym or better yet, join the military so you can see how glorious war really is. When you pull this bait-and-switch nonsense, inflating common tasks as though they were rites of passage for Viking warriors, you’re just screwing with your readers and wasting their time. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t done any Brazilian jiu-jitsu training (or any other martial arts training) since 2014 and yet I’m confident I could easily choke out almost each and every one of these Youtube stars who make hours upon hours of pedantic ranting videos blathering about how weak and “beta” males are these days.

So in conclusion let me just say this in short, staccato sentences to make things perfectly clear. Concepts about what is masculine have varied throughout time and by culture. Traditional masculinity is rooted in patriarchy. Patriarchy privileges males but at a high cost. Many of these whiners want those privileges without the responsibilities and negatives. Moreover, the generation before you had it tougher. Their parents had it even worse. No matter what sports you play or what you’ve done, take a look at how Roman soldiers or Mongol warriors lived sometime. Nothing you do will ever make you more “hardcore” than that. Rejoice that you live in a world where you don’t have to live that way.

Speaking of Armchair Experts

This guy’s in a goddamned La-z-Boy recliner.  As a general rule these people tend to take Russia’s side, but here we’ve got a Swedish dude who decided to go all in on Maidan and the Ukrainian government for some unknown reason. I say unknown because it turns out he’s never been to Ukraine and apparently everything he knows about what’s going on comes from English-speaking sources on the internet as he admittedly has no understanding of Ukrainian or Russian either.

Of course none of this stops him from labeling people “false-flag” propagandists of the Kremlin. Which people, do you ask? If you look at the first name on the list, old Graham Cracker himself, it almost seems like he’s competent. Graham Phillips is pretty much openly a pro-Kremlin propagandist. After all he’s grateful to Putin and Yanukovych for maintaining the 90’s mentality and conditions which have provided him with such a wide selection of possibly trafficked prostitutes. Keep reading, however, and you see something is seriously wrong.

Yes, that’s it. Keep reading. There you will see the names of people who are routinely attacked and trolled by pro-Kremlin yahoos accusing them of waging an information war on behalf of the West. And yet this Swede is accusing them of being propagandists for Putin. To build his case he uses “evidence” in the form of tweets and excerpts from their writing where they acknowledge things such as Ukrainian government complicity in the humanitarian situation, shelling of civilian areas by the Ukrainian military, and apparently meeting separatist leaders without immediately attempting to rip out their throats with their teeth in a heroic attempt to end the rebellion once and for all.

Look, I hate to ruin anyone’s day, but it is a fact that the Ukrainian military has been complicit in shelling civilian areas. The OSCE puts reports up on its website nearly every way. While they don’t point fingers, usually you can tell who most likely fired on who using a map and the OSCE analyses of the projectiles’ trajectory. Moreover, the Ukrainian government has been criticized for indiscriminate shelling of civilian-populated areas. Like the Russian government, some people want to trust Human Rights Watch and the OSCE only when they support their side and dismiss them when they don’t. And while there may be no moral equivalence in this conflict, I see Ukraine’s government as only having a slight edge in this respect.

Once again the lesson here is that the internet cannot make you an expert in things. By all means, read all the sources you like, but unless you put in serious work and leave your house, your criticism or opinion doesn’t really count for much against someone on the ground.

America Without BS II: The Revenge of Bullshit

Apparently the American conservative press has developed a unique new method of lying. Basically you use misleading headlines and all the distortion you can cram into the story, but at some point you put the truth in there, in spite of the fact that it easily refutes the story’s thesis. “See, I wasn’t lying because in the third paragraph I included the quote which tears the whole story apart.” I guess that’s how it works.  Anyway, the thing that prompted this was a story from something called The Daily Signal, via Fox News. Are you ready for your manufactured bullshit outrage of the week?

THE STORY SO FAR…

A heroic former Marine and Iraq war vet is banned from school property after objecting to his daughter being forced to write a three page paper on the five pillars of Islam.  

Outrageous! I’m really angry now! What a travesty! What injustice! Oh…Wait…No. Turns out that once again, the assignment on Islam is actually part of a world history curriculum, and the assignment has a far wider scope than the pillars of Islam.  Here’s a quote from school’s spokesperson.

“The particular unit in question at La Plata High School is on the formation of Middle Eastern empires in which students learned the basic concepts of the Islamic faith and how it, along with politics, culture, economics and geography, contributed to the development of the Middle East. Other religions are introduced when they influence or impact a particular historical era or geographic region.”

Hmmm…That sounds a bit different than “teaching Islam.”  Apparently American conservatives need a special guide on what constitutes “teaching Islam” and what does not.  Let me help them out a bit.

THIS IS TEACHING ISLAM

THIS IS NOT TEACHING ISLAM

When I was in high school we learned about things like the Reformation, the creation of the Anglican church, and the different Christian sects who sought freedom in the New World. Obviously there was no way to learn about these things without touching on the differences between the theological beliefs of Catholics and Protestants. None of this constitutes teaching Protestantism or Catholicism, however. I don’t understand why this is such a difficult concept for these people. Oh wait, I just remembered these people are ignorant morons. I guess I understand completely.

The article saves the worst for last, when the father’s wife tries to excuse her husband’s behavior.

“The people do not understand what he endured when he was over in Iraq,” she said. “[H]e lost friends, and he lost brothers and sisters to these people.”

“…these people.”

“…these people.”

“…these people.”

Yup, I read that correctly. Apparently this poor man lost buddies to the soldiers of the Rashidun or Umayyad caliphates. Do I need to say anything more on the topic of associating 1.5 billion people with some Iraqi insurgents? Yeah, I think I do. See there’s a lot of Dutch people who can say they lost loved ones to “those other people.” You know- Christians. After all, in all likelihood it was downed by a bunch of fanatics who can’t shut up about Orthodox Christianity, ergo they represent all Christians everywhere.

If you’re a Fox News viewer who stumbled on this article by some horrible mistake, let me make this clear to you. I’m very sorry but your children need to be educated in history. Don’t worry, our public schools and textbook publishers will try to make this as bland, boring, and uninformative as possible, but it’s still an essential part of the curriculum. Religion, indeed some religions other than yours, played an important role in history, politics, and even geography. Therefore sometimes your precious wittle snowfwakes may be required to, brace yourselves, learn about a faith other than your religion, the one true faith, i.e. non-denominational, independent, Southern four-square Baptist. I’m very sorry.  Oh wait. I’m not.

Russian Delusional Disorder

Russian Delusional Disorder is a condition where the sufferer, usually a non-Russian living in their home country, experiences bizarre delusions about Russia.  While little is known about the disorder, it has been determined that exposure to Russia either in person or on the internet is definitely a causal factor.  Some researchers believe that the main factor which ends up triggering the disorder is a short, touristic trip to Russia, often between the victim’s teenage years and early 20’s.

Symptoms include:

-Making inaccurate comparisons between Russia and the USA

-Expressing great praise for Vladimir Putin

-One’s only positive experience with a female was with a Russian woman, who was most likely simply being polite to a foreigner

-Falling in love with any Russian female over the slightest interaction

-Lecturing others on things you know nothing about(e.g. Russia)

-Bizarre right-wing comments demanding that Russians carry out the ridiculously authoritarian actions which are beyond the pale in your home country

Sufferers are often detected when they post comments on various news sites.  The following are examples of statements made by various individuals who are afflicted to differing degrees.

“Yes. I Fully Agree and believe this. I love this Leader.”

For some reason this sufferer lists his location, including his city and state, in every comment he makes on a certain Russian English-language publication’s social network page.  While he is in the USA, his state and city have been removed from the quote.  As the reader may have guessed, the beloved “leader” is none other than Vladimir Putin. Why he would have any reason to love Putin and not, say, Omar al-Bashir of Sudan is beyond unknown to science.  Let there be no doubt, Putin really doesn’t do much of anything. He spends his time in endless photo opportunities and publicity stunts.  He gets credit for laws which he approved yet didn’t dream up, which is actually bad for Putin since said laws are written by complete retards.  It has been hypothesized that sufferers who love Putin, despite claiming skepticism in the Western media, actually fall for the Putin hype hook, line, and sinker.

“Pathetic traitors, they will regret leaving a rising Russia for a falling America.”

This individual, possibly a teenage gamer based on observations of his Facebook profile, is referring to Russian gays and lesbians who were reportedly seeking asylum in the West and specifically the United States.  Like many sufferers of the disorder, he takes it upon himself to decide who is a traitor to Russia.  The very Spenglerian view that Russia is rising while the US is heading for collapse is common among sufferers.  The afflicted are typically unmoved by the fact that this theory was first advanced around 1918, and that it regained popularity in the early 90’s(around the time of the “culture wars), thus making it well over twenty years old in recent times.  This alone would not mean much were it not for the fact that throughout this time, the United States has still maintained higher living standards than Russia.

“PUTIN 2016 !!!!”

Again we see another outburst of requited love for Vladimir Putin.

And finally, though it may have nothing to do with Russian Delusional Disorder, the following quote did appear in the comments section of a Russian English-language publication.  The person’s name has been removed from the citation.

I am warning your newspaper that i, currently the last male Merovingian, descendant of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, descendant of Napoleon Bonaparte and Betsy Balcombe, will reveal this truth, secret of the Temple and of the highest graded Freemasons, because the U.S. government owes me 25 million dollars for a deal made with the Executive Office of the President of the United States which included the tip leading to the execution of Osama bin Laden. Regards, (NAME WITHHELD).

Thus far researchers have not been able to make anything of this.