Russian Aircraft Carrier Kills 4 Pandas on its Way Home

MADRID- The Russian aircraft carrier Admiral Kuznetsov killed four giant pandas at the Zoo Aquarium de Madrid on Monday.

Officials from the park confirmed that male panda Bing Xing and female panda Hua Zui Ba were inexplicably crushed to death by the Russian carrier, which was returning to its home port after combat operations in the eastern Mediterranean Sea.

The pair’s two cubs, Po and De De, died by smoke inhalation from the aircraft carrier’s exhaust.

deadpanda

Zoo employees pay their final respects to De De, one of the four pandas who died on Monday.

The zoo’s press service declined to give further comment on the matter, citing that they were “reeling from the shock” of an aircraft carrier somehow managing to sail through Madrid.

The Russian Ministry of Defense made a number of comments regarding the incident, including “the pandas were acting in a threatening manner,” and “you never had any pandas.

The Ministry of Defense spokesman summed up his response by stating that Spain “had no right to lecture Russia regarding the death of the pandas, insofar as it devastated the population of the Americas from 1492 onward.”

The captain of the Admiral Kuznetsov suggested the accident might have been caused by a faulty arresting gear.

“We’ve had repeated problems with that arresting gear,” said Captain Sergei Artamonov, the ship’s commanding officer. “I’m not saying any pandas were killed, but if they were, it was probably that.”

The Russian aircraft carrier and its attending ships resumed course back to their home port after the unscheduled detour through central Spain.

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5 thoughts on “Russian Aircraft Carrier Kills 4 Pandas on its Way Home

  1. gbd_crwx

    Jim, if I ever have surgery I want thw same medication that you got. 😊

    That said have they ruled out the possibility of old falangist still upsett with the fate of the blue division in the eastern front or the ukrainian ship hetman Sahaydachniy trying a false flag?

    Reply
    1. AndyT

      Really, this “recovery recollections series” shows a unique brilliance – I would have added China’s condemnation of Russian attempts to undermine her “Pandiplomacy” efforts in the West.

      Reply
  2. Pingback: Russian Aircraft Carrier Suspected in Robbery | Russia Without BS

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