An Awesome New Year

I have a special New Year’s present for you, the readers. In the run up to the year’s end I had two serious pieces I was going to write, but given the way things are going I figured they’d bring everybody down. That’s why I figured today’s post should be something uplifting. Something absurd. It’s time for another load of insane Russian sci-fi covers!

For those of you who haven’t caught my earlier pieces on this topic, you can follow this link to the original, and this one for the second installment. But before we begin I have a couple things to get out of the way.

First, while these book covers can be found on Russian online book retailers, I am very grateful to the people behind the Vkontakte group “Batshit Covers of Russian Science-Fiction” for gathering the best of the worst, so to speak.

Also, during this time I’ve spent collecting these book covers and writing about them, I was reminded of an episode from my early childhood that might explain my affinity for over-the-top cover art. Sure, I could just chalk it up to the 1980’s, but this one episode stands out. Dear readers, take a gander at this book cover (it’s the best image I could find online).


Contrary to what you might think, this is supposedly not a novel. It was supposed to be a memoir (I’ve since found info that says its veracity is questionable). Back when I was 4, maybe 5, my mother saw this guy speak at her church and she brought the book home. Obviously it was a bit above my reading level back then but that didn’t matter because LOOK AT THAT COVER! 

That boat’s getting shot to pieces. There’s brass and shattered glass all over the deck. The .50 cal gunner’s dead and bleeding all over the deck. Bloody footprints- serious attention to detail! And all the while you’ve got what I assume was supposed to be the author, decked out in tiger-stripe camo and blasting away at Mr. Charlie with “the pig.” I was too young to watch Rambo back then, but who cares? I had this book cover and my childhood imagination. And did I not already mention that this was being sold in a church? Since then churches are the place where they can take the story of a guy getting crucified and stuck in the side with a spear and make it lame and “family-friendly.” That’s why young people are running off to go join ISIS (which is illegal in the Russian Federation!). But I digress.


Someone forgot the disclaimer about ISIS being illegal in the Russian Federation.


I’m just sharing that anecdote because it shows how resonant awesome cover art can be. In the 21st century heroes are practically invincible until the script says they need to get injured or hurt to hit a story beat. Back in the 1980’s, we liked our action heroes beaten to hell and back, struggling against the excruciating pain and overwhelming odds to prevail in the end, John McClane style.

Alright, enough of me yelling at a cloud. Let’s look at some insane book covers!


I don’t care if it’s the 5th century – TRIGGER DISCIPLINE!

Okay let’s see. Judging by the helmets I’d say we’re in late Roman Britain, but I’m going to take a stab in the dark and suggest that the authors may not have been too overly concerned with historical authenticity. Going with my original hypothesis, I’m guessing some Picts or invading Germanic tribes are going to have a nasty surprise when they attempt to conquer Britannia. In any case, Briton king Vortigern will have no need for the Saxons Hengist and Horsa to do his fighting for him so long as the ammunition doesn’t run out. He’s more likely to have them shot straight in their Saxon faces.

Look to our own defenses? Got it sorted, mate.


All you need there is a flock of doves flying out from behind them and you’ve got a John Woo film made for the Russian market. Okay let’s unpack this. It appears to be Soviet NKVD chief Lavrenti Beria teaming up with what looks like White Guard leader Admiral Kolchak. Do I even need to point out what’s wrong with that? No? Good.

Also here’s a little tip about dual wielding handguns. First of all- you won’t hit anything and it just looks cool. But if you must look cool, be sure to dual wield handguns that can be easily reloaded. Revolvers can’t for obvious reasons, and neither can that Mauser broom handle, which loaded from a stripper clip fed from above. But then again, given the style of the image I’m sure when they run out of bullets they resort to Matrix-like martial arts skills.

Whatever the case, I’m sure this book is worth reading if only for the long political debates it must surely contain.


As if it weren’t enough that this guy clearly has some kind of automatic weapon with him, he was apparently lucky enough to fall into a fantasy world with a Ka-52 attack chopper to back him up. Anyway the Mongol-looking guy looks quite pleased with his new friendship.

The wizard is another matter. It looks like he’s conjuring that little ball of light because he’s intimidated by all these new magical devices he’s witnessing. It’s as if he’s saying “Sure, his mechanical flying dragon just blasted half your army into little pieces, but can it light your path in the deep dark caverns of the Globlin King Ulug-Thalak? I don’t think so!”


So this is called Schrodinger’s Raccoon and it’s listed as “anti-science fiction.” They’ve certainly got that part down. Now you might be asking why it’s a raccoon and not a cat. Well guess what…


There you go. Schrodinger’s cat. Schrodinger’s Soviet, heavily armed space cat. This is both insane and not insane at the same time until we open the book and observe its content.


This fellow looks like he bounced through several different time periods on his way into this fantasy world. The clothes are modern, but the weapon is the WWII-vintage PPS-43. The woman’s wearing something that looks like it’s out of ancient Egypt, but she’s armed with a flintlock musket, meaning they can’t share ammunition. On the plus side, there’s a Zeppelin in this fantasy world, and if you follow me on Twitter you know I’m a big advocate of bringing Zeppelins back as a mode of air travel.

Perhaps this fantasy dimension is a place where random shit from other time periods gets dumped. That would explain all the anachronisms. Either that or the authors were trying to make their own Final Fantasy VI ripoff.


It’s called Knight in The Grey Greatcoat, and that’s exactly what we see. What tactical advantage an old Russian police greatcoat would afford a knight in battle is beyond me though. Perhaps he plans to waylay other knights along the road, tell them that the violated some trivial law of the realm, and suggest that they may be forgiven if they would only pay a small fine here and now. It’s either that, or, as one would expect from these popadantsy novels, he uses his gun to cheat in the royal tournament.


All I can say about this is that apparently some graphic designers in Russia accept payment in LSD.


For the non war-nerds out there, the ZSU-23-4 Shilka is a radar-guided anti-aircraft gun system with four 23mm cannons. They have also been used in a ground attack role, often in combat. They do not, however, fly. At least they don’t in boring reality.

Honestly though I think whoever designed the cover of Aviashilka was clearly just trolling. I sure hope so.


Remember earlier when I said sometimes the people who design covers are paid in LSD? Well sometimes that applies to the authors as well. Here we have an example of vatnik fap fiction, only this time instead of defeating the Third Reich, Russia has defeated NATO. How they would do this with no allies and a much weaker country than the USSR is hopefully explained in the book.


There’s not much going on here but I’m including it because I want to get on my political soapbox for a bit. Our hero is so mesmerized by his flaming katana that he’s not even paying attention to that awesome futuristic Zeppelin that’s looming not too far away. Isn’t that a metaphor for our world these days? We’re so preoccupied with war and conflict that we forget about the vast benefits that could be had if we only brought back airship travel. Think about it.


Let’s see- Germans defeated at Brest Fortress. Anyone here ever play that old game Close Combat III: The Russian Front? I remember getting good enough at it to the point where I could stop the Germans on the border and basically ruin Operation: Barbarossa. And you know what? I didn’t need a tricked out AK-12 to do it.


Yes. Throw a knife in a world where you get attacked by people wearing plate armor. No need to use…like…a fully automatic assault rifle or anything! In any case our naval infantry hero probably won’t have time to regret his mistake since that armored guy is clearly sneaking up behind him.


Okay let’s see here- our heroes are a modern-day Russian spetsnaz guy who’s teamed up with a Wehrmacht soldier of the Third Reich. They’ve destroyed an American Sherman tank in London.

But remember, kids, all Ukrainians are Banderite Nazis!


Another exemplar of the sub-sub-sub genre known as “Britain sucks.” Here we’ve got yet another British soldier totally outclassed arms-wise and getting shot in the face as a result. You know I can’t think of many nations that still hold a grudge about the Seven Years War.


This one’s called Popadantsy of the Caribbean. You might ask whether or not they are pirates. Well you see, modern Russian pirates are a little different than what you may be used to. Here’s a video that explains that difference (possibly NSFW, depends on where you work I guess). May that video be seared into your brain and recalled every time you hear a Russian politician talking about Russia’s deep traditional values.


Apparently there’s fap fiction for Ukrainian nationalists as well, at least judging from the cover. Given their long history of piracy and raids against the Ottoman Empire, it’s interesting to imagine what would happen if they attacked the Ottomans in an unexpected place. Egypt’s kind of pushing it.

That being said, did they really need modern weapons like an 82mm mortar? The problem with all these “alternate history” novels that involve modern artillery is that I suspect they leave out key details such as how the forward observers are communicating with the gunners to adjust their fire. I’m sorry but that just totally takes me out of the story and I can no longer suspend my disbelief.


The image of a pro-Putin youth from the 21st century battling vikings might be confusing, but I think it’s a metaphor. See, he’s gone back in time and found himself in Kyivian Rus. As such, he has determined that these warriors are clearly minions of the Nazi Banderite junta in Kyiv. “Take that! Azov scum!” he shouts as he hews down another Rus warrior, not realizing that his slavish devotion to Vladimir Putin is literally destroying the Russian nation at its root. Just like in real life! 


I predict adventure- sexy adventure! Seriously though, it’s worth noting that the title here, And the Gods There are Quiet, is a play on words based on the title of a famous Soviet film (based on a novel) that has been remade many times.


“A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Germany. Just when it seemed all was lost, Quel’tha’aa’aas picked up the enchanted scoped G-43 rifle from a fallen Waffen SS “Charlemagne” Division soldier and picked off the Hitlerjugend boys who had been hiding in shell holes, brandishing Panzerfausts. With them out of the way, the magic T-34-85s were finally able to advance down the block and pour overwhelming firepower from their 85mm main guns into the facade of the Reich Chancellery, where the Dark Lord Hitler was hiding.”  

Lord Lothar Dragonscale, Chronicle of the Realm Vol. XIII


First I should probably point out that what this “jihadi” girl is doing is definitely banned in the territory of the Russian Federation. You should not do that. I’m guessing the man with the American flag cuff link is supposed to be Obama, because Russia. And if that is Obama, it means the girl is probably Ukrainian. UKRAINA AKBAR!!! 


That’s 7.62×39 and you don’t even have the stock on your shoulder? That thing’s going to wind up straight in your face, son! Sure, have a laugh, but it’s possible that these books are designed to prepare the Russian population for the conscription of child soldiers in the near future. The Russian army hasn’t been hitting its contract goals lately.


Once again we have a novel that looks like it was meant to appeal to Ukrainian nationalists. Interesting to note that our kozak hero doesn’t seem to have any modern weapons, but that’s based only on what we can see. For all we know the rest of the Polish hussars were wiped out by the new Ukrainian Dozor-B armored car.

Also here’s a little tip. If you want to upset a Polish nationalist or Polonophile in nine simple words, just say the following- Polish hussars probably didn’t wear their wings in combat.


What book cover bonanza would be complete without Novorossiya fap fiction? Here vatniks can imagine that they’ll conquer Kyiv once they somehow get a modern air force. Sure, there’s always that pesky fact that virtually every conceivable location for an airfield within the separatist territory is within range of Ukrainian artillery or rockets, but that’s why it’s fantasy, right?

And of course, the modern Russian uniforms they’re wearing, plus the Russian Mi-28 helicopters in the background, were purchased at Ukrainian military surplus stores. Ukraine has the best military surplus stores in the world.

Seriously though, they should really stop printing these Novorossiya novels. The more Russians think about Novorossiya, the more they’ll be reminded that their dictatorial government whipped them into a fervor in support of this pseudo-state and then basically all but abandoned it because sanctions hurt their ability to fork over more stolen money into Western banks and luxury real estate.



This looks like the poster for the worst buddy-cop comedy movie ever.

Pro-Russian separatist: When I’m driving, we listen to my music! Not that Banderite Nazi crap!  *switches radio to Soviet retro station*

Ukrainian nationalist: It’s my car! So I choose the music! *switches radio again*

Pro-Russian separatist: Damn you Banderite! *switches dial to a third station*

Pro-Russian separatist: …

Ukrainian nationalist: …

Both together: This hit, that ice cold Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold. This one for them hood girls Them good girls straight masterpieces. Stylin’, whilen, livin’ it up in the city. Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent! Got kiss myself, I’m so pretty!


Pig chariot. No further comment needed.


More “anti-fascism,” as you can see from this cover. I guess Space Soviets team up with Space Nazis to destroy Space Liberals or something.


This is another sub-genre of popadanyets novels, known as pimpadanyets. When he’s not making that sweet green he’s gunning down Nazis. Extra points for removing the DT machine gun from the tank.


Yes, Western leftists. The country where popular literature involves the Red Army traveling back in time to help the slave-owning Confederacy win the Civil War is definitely the global headquarters of anti-fascism. Keep up the anti-imperialist struggle!

Well there you have it folks. Have a happy New Year and get ready to start talking about how 2017 is “like, the worst year ever!”


P.S. Donating money to good causes is guaranteed to make your New Year’s wishes come true!*


*Not a guarantee.

37 thoughts on “An Awesome New Year

  1. AndyT

    You know those days, when you feel frustrated because you cannot read wonderful books written in a foreign language?

    Well, today’s not one of those days 😛

    (Reasonably) Happy 2017!

  2. Sohryu_L

    >Ukraine has the best military surplus stores in the world.


    I’m still eyeing that totally sweet Bundesmarine greatcoat for the 2017 demiseason you know

    1. Mr. Hack

      You’re obviously a real fashionista, and therefore I’m puzzled as to your reverse coat of arms?

      Happy New Year’s to all, especially to the housekeeper of this blog!

  3. An anonymous Ukrainian-American

    Bonus points for some of those using defaced versions of Order of Patriotic War and Order of Red Banner to brand their anti-fascist masterpieces.

  4. gunlord500

    Haha, American rebs would be so pissed off at that one book cover. They tend to hate commies more than anything else, they often compare Abe Lincoln to Stalin and stuff. I almost wish there was a translation of that to see what the “DEO VINDICE” crowd would think.

  5. Mr. Hack

    ‘Since then churches are the place where they can take the story of a guy getting crucified and stuck in the side with a spear and make it lame and “family-friendly.”

    Your description of Christianity is rather lame in itself? It’s obvious that you were brought up in some sort of protestant church environment, which seems to cut against your profile of a person of Ukrainian descent? I can assure you that the same sort of church environment that you write of was actively promoting the film ‘The Passion of the Christ’ just a few years back, where any pretense of ‘family friendliness’ was squarely left at the entrance doors of movie theaters around the word.

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Perhaps you didn’t notice but this post was intended to be humorous.

      Also I’m by no means of full Ukrainian descent and wasn’t raised by that side of the family. I’ve said before that side is murky and I totally admit that my Ukrainian identity more adopted than concrete pedigree. Ukrainian by choice as I call it.

      But since you bring that up the side of the family that did raise me was Catholic up until I was born. America’s freedom of religion is a wonderful thing.

      1. Mr. Hack

        After I submitted my reply, I actually thought that maybe you had been brought up Catholic, rather than Protestant (but of the Roman variety, not Eastern). Some things are better left alone. I have an interest in those brought up in a Ukrainian-American background and can appreciate your situation. There’s a whole wing of my family, living in another state, that have
        completely assimilated into the great melting pot. The first of my family’s relations, the patriarch of the clan, immigrated in the early 20th century. I don’t think that they even know that they love to eat pierogis. Being Ukrainian by choice is far better that by pedigree, if you ask me.

        As you may remember, I’m a big fan of this kind of parody of current Russian books. Here’s the kicker though, there must be some Russians that actually read this kind of stuff and believe in it too! 🙂

      2. Jim Kovpak Post author

        I’ve actually talked to authors and sci-fi fans about that, and they say it typically appeals to ex-military types or cops. Of the former, that usually means they’re security guards now. Obviously they have a lot of time to read. But hey- at least they’re reading, right?

        And as ridiculous and disturbing as these novels are, there’s also this sort of unpretentiousness to them as well. It’s like they’re saying- we both know your life sucks, so why not have some good old fashioned wish fulfillment escapism?

      3. Mr. Hack

        How ‘murky’ can it really be? Look at the popular American novelist of partial Ukrainian descent, Chuck Palahniuk (‘Fight Club’ fame), whose family history on his Ukrainian side has been described:

        ‘his grandfather shot and killed his grandmother after an argument over the cost of a sewing machine. Chuck’s father, who was three at the time, watched from under a bed as Nick Palahniuk searched the house for additional victims, before turning the gun on himself. In the article, Chuck is quoted as saying, “My grandfather was hit over the head by a crane boom in Seattle. Some of the family claimed he was never a violent, crazy person before that. Some say he was. It depends who you believe.”

        And what ever happened to Chuck’s father:

        ‘In May 1999, Palahniuk’s father was murdered, together with a woman he was dating, by the woman’s ex-partner. Palahniuk was later asked to help determine the sentence for the man who killed his father; he asked for the death penalty.[41]’

        The truth of the matter is that many Ukrainian-American families have totally ‘normal’ disfunctional structures. What could possibly be so ‘murky’ anyway?? 🙂

  6. Mykhailo

    Aviashilka is not a real book, but was made to parody such covers. Got bit too successful there.
    Hetman – wat, what? I’ve never seen ukrainian popadanets novels. I think that’s also troll image, but I would need to google that.
    Esaul – ukrainian cossacks didn’t had those, so it’s like Don cossack in 1612 or something.

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      I suspected that was the case with Aviashilka. Good trolling.

      But with that cossack novel I think the BIGGEST inaccuracy is that Polish hussar having his wings in combat.

      1. Mykhailo

        Found info on cossack novels. Both are from same series, but it’s typical “Khmelnytsky totaly wanted to reunify” stuff, so not much on nationalism.

    2. Mr. Hack

      Actually, the highest ranking cossack class from which Hetmans were often taken from was the

      ‘In Ukraine of 17th and 18th centuries osaul was a military and administrative official performing the duties of aide-de-camp.[2] The head of state, hetman, would appoint up to two osauls known as a General Osaul. There also was a Regimental Osaul as well as Company Osaul, with each regular cossack regiment and company except artillery having two of each. Beside them there were osauls under special assignments one of them serving for General Obozny (quartermaster) who performed duties of a chief executive and was the second in importance after Hetman…Other duties consisted of being a hetman’s envoy, supervised matters of internal security, conducted annual regimental musters and inspections. Among the notorious osauls were Petro Doroshenko, Demian Mnohohrishny, Ivan Mazepa, and Ivan Skoropadsky.

      I’m still trying to get our resident Mazepenec, Sohryu_L, to explain his backwards crest…

  7. Mr. Hack

    ‘It’s like they’re saying- we both know your life sucks, so why not have some good old fashioned wish fulfillment escapism?’

    Well, I’ve often felt that reading, amongst other things, was a form of escapism. It must be all about how seriously you take your ‘escapism’? 🙂 🙂

  8. Bogdan

    You had some interesting reading habits as a kid. Books which glorified an act of aggression perpetrated by brigands like the “hero” depicted in this “cover art”.
    I’m sure you have since learned of the “awesome” carnage wrought by these terrorist “pigs” against “Mr. Charlie” (not to mention his wife and children) and his country.
    They give these books to children in your country and you have the nerve to talk about Russia?.
    Maybe you deal with this stuff by making jokes, but, how often have you guys in USA laughed this stuff off only to repeat it again some years on?. Perhaps it’s time to get serious.
    I don’t think such “awesome” books are widely read in Russia. It is more likely that you “expatishly” present them as an exotic example of how “bat-shit” crazy Russians are (or maybe you read them). Whatever is the case it is childish behavior.
    I read that expats experience a “second adolescence” while in their host countries and much of what you write bears out this assertion (this being a prime example).
    You claim the high title of a Marxist and slander the CPRF. They know more about the situation in their country than do you because they have regular contact with the kind of people who don’t generally speak to expats (those who you, with the petit bourgeois arrogance so typical of American “leftists”, refer to as “vatniki”). I think you need to know your role (also, it wouldn’t hurt to throw some comradely respect their way once in a while!).
    Please excuse my frankness as many of your (serious) articles show real talent, but, playtime is over, you had your fun, now I think you should go home. You’re of no use to the Russian people, nor do I think you have any great insight in to how they live. You’re not a Kuzbas miner, a bargeman on the Lena, or even an Uzbek marshrutka driver. To these people you are just another parasite who lives in Moscow and attends PARNAS rallies.
    You need to wipe the snot off your nose, grow up, go home, get a real job and get active in your trade union, and I wish you luck against the new President because it will be an ugly four years for the American workers.
    С новым годом “товарищ”.

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Obviously you were born without a sense of humor or irony. I feel sorry for you. But just as an early Christmas present, I’ll answer your allegations.

      “Books which glorified an act of aggression perpetrated by brigands like the “hero” depicted in this “cover art”.
      I’m sure you have since learned of the “awesome” carnage wrought by these terrorist “pigs” against “Mr. Charlie” (not to mention his wife and children) and his country.”

      Did you not read the part where I said I was FOUR or FIVE? And no, the book was not “given” to me since there was no way I could read or understand a book of that level at that age. I was simply looking at the cover.

      It was the 1980’s, such over-the-top bullshit was common then.

      I’m well aware of the horrors of the Vietnam War and I’ve spent years since then reading about it- including the works of Vo Nguyen Giap.

      “They give these books to children in your country and you have the nerve to talk about Russia?.”

      Again, no, they don’t. That book was meant for adults.

      Don’t even go down this path because all you have to do is watch how Russia against around 9 May to see how war is trivialized and marketed to children. Little kids barely old enough to walk are dressed up in little Red Army outfits. What ought to be a solemn day of mourning and respect is more commercialized than July 4th.

      “It is more likely that you “expatishly” present them as an exotic example of how “bat-shit” crazy Russians are (or maybe you read them). Whatever is the case it is childish behavior.”

      Did you miss the part where the term “batshit” was used in the title of a RUSSIAN Vkontakte group dedicated to such covers? Russian/Ukrainian jokes about these novels and their covers have existed since before I even started blogging. I am merely exposing a foreign audience to this.

      I’m sorry you find any expression of humor “childish.”

      “You claim the high title of a Marxist and slander the CPRF.”

      The CPRF is a phony opposition party which repudiates some of the most basic tenets of Marxism. They express right-wing reactionary ideas and make common cause with fascists and imperialists. The criticism is justified.

      “You’re of no use to the Russian people, nor do I think you have any great insight in to how they live.”

      Incorrect. Over the years as an English teacher I’ve provided countless Russians with a service in high demand. That is evident by the prices Russians were willing to pay for my services (up to $100 an hour in some cases).

      And that’s just English teaching. That doesn’t include translation, proofreading, voice acting, regular acting, etc. All paid for, by Russians, who needed a native speaker or specifically and American native speaker.

      And they pay a lot more for that than they do some Uzbek marhrutka driver.

      So you can whine and cry all you want about what I write, but money talks, and for years I was raking in a lot even while working far fewer than 40 hours.

      “To these people you are just another parasite who lives in Moscow and attends PARNAS rallies.”

      Do you even know what “parasite” means? Not only have my employers paid taxes, but I don’t use Russian government services (on the rare occasions I do, I pay directly). That means I’m much less of a “parasite” than an ordinary Russian citizen. And of course I’m FAR less of a parasite than the Russian ruling class, who rob their own people to the tune of billions. High level corruption in Russia may even account for as much as a quarter of the annual GDP.

      I also don’t “attend PARNAS rallies.” I have been to some rallies where PARNAS was present, and at most of those, the CPRF was also present as well. In fact, I’ve been to far more rallies organized by the CPRF than any other group. Funny how those rallies always include Nazbol fascists and monarchists.

      “You need to wipe the snot off your nose, grow up, go home, get a real job and get active in your trade union, ”

      First of all, you’d do well to stuff your prolier-than-thou attitude. For all I know you’re just some office plankton. I’ve been working since the age of 14, and that includes manual labor. Sure, writing might not be very gritty, but when I worked in construction I never had to go visit an active war zone. If you’re so concerned about the plight of the Russian working class, maybe you should ask why about 80% of Russia’s wealth is concentrated in Moscow.

      And trade unions? In America? You need to keep abreast of developments there.

      ” I wish you luck against the new President because it will be an ugly four years for the American workers.”

      Finally you start making some sense.

      Now stop being so sensitive just because I made fun of something that hundreds of Russians have made fun of. These novels aren’t Dostoevsky.

    2. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Also if you’re so appalled by the carnage of the Vietnam War, which ended decades ago, I hope you’re equally outspoken about Russia’s brigands in Ukraine and Syria.

    3. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Also if you knew anything about me, I’m a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Red Letter Media’s Best of the Worst, and all kinds of media about horrible movies, nearly all produced by Hollywood.

      But you saw a post about crappy pulp literature that happens to be Russian (and which is made fun of by plenty of Russians including actual Russian sci-fi authors), and out of some idiotic misguided sense of “patriotism” you threw a tantrum and wrote this nonsensical comment.

      Maybe think ahead more.

      1. Bogdan

        Respected Mr. Kovpak,
        Although I still think books about raccoon astronauts are childish, I realize so too was my comment and I apologize. I did not use tact, it would be better to say simply “I don’t get your sense of humor”.
        Alas, I can not reconcile the set of circumstances that brought people like you to Russia (the end of soviet power and so on),but, you had nothing to do with that and I should not have been so rude, I apologize. Find your “American Dream” in Moscow or where ever you want and I wish you victory in your affairs!.
        I can not agree with your opinion of the CPRF, but, I will respect it (I don’t like the reactionary trends either), nevertheless, for me, it is the party of Lenin and Stalin and all that and I’m a stupid idealist and so do not wish to leave it’s side.
        You’re a good dude Yasha!. Forgive me for sending such a rude message!.
        I wish you a good new year with health prosperity and success!.

      2. Jim Kovpak Post author

        The one who can admit being wrong on the internet is rare and deserving of the utmost respect.

        In any case, I’m afraid necessity has forced me to leave Russia soon in any case.

        May you also have a good new year.

  9. Mr. Hack

    Oops, I think that comrade Bogdan barked up the wrong street, and ended up looking quite foolish! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Tell me about it. He should go tell this guy that he’s acting childish and ought to “go home,”since he’s also making fun of popadanets novels.

      Oh wait- that guy is Russian. I guess he is home.

      Hell in the intro to the story it clearly links to a Russian/Ukrainian made VK group where Russians submit their photos and jokes about such covers.

      I guess they’re all petit-bourgeois too.

  10. Callum C

    I really don’t get the “fencer from the future” one. Like, OK, if you were transported to the past and got to bring a gun or a tank or an infantry platoon, then I could understand why you’d be something special. But this is just a dude with no armour and a slightly different sword. Actually it’s not even that different a sword; katanas and migration-era European swords were both pattern welded.

    And really, if I had to fight a dude in mail with an axe and shield, a katana and a patriotic T-shirt would not be my first choice.

    Does the author think that migration-era peoples who fought with swords all the time would be impressed by a Kendo practitioner whose biggest real fight was over the last “Krim Nash” shirt at the voentorg…?

    Is he one of those people who thinks the Katana was folded a billion times and could cut through a tank? Or does he think our fechtovalshchik will be protected from axe heads by the sheer audacity of his polite people shirt?

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      Wait- are you suggesting that the katana ISN’T the greatest melee weapon of all time? NANDE YANEN?!

      Dude- FOLDED steal! 1 BILLION LAYERS! Japanese officers could cut through tanks with the katana. One pilot at Pearl Harbor ejected from his stricken zero and sawed the USS Arizona in half with his katana!

      1. Callum C

        I won’t deny that I would probably read a book about a modern HEMA fencer who goes back in time and spars with Johannes Liechtenauer. Don’t judge me.

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