“Come with me if you want to live…in a luxurious home in London.”

Hey did you know Russia has developed a quad-riding military robot? Well guess what- Russia has developed a quad-riding military robot. Yes, NATO had better beware, lest they want a legion of these robots to…ride around them slowly and carefully!


Apparently NATO has some breathing room, however, as the robot is being “postponed” until later this year, supposedly because it is learning to drive a car (presumably automatic). For all we know, this postponement could be just like the time they “postponed” the adoption of the AN-94 assault rifle from 2000 for something like a decade before deciding not to adopt it after all. Well the Russian military establishment may not know it, but it’s a good thing this robot isn’t operational, and let me tell you why.

Last year I was working for this super-futuristic tech venture fund and I had to read all these books about innovative, disruptive, ultra-futuristic technology so I could pretend to give a shit. The company turned out to be a complete joke, but while I was there I had some time to read up on the theory of super-intelligence, a concept connected with AI. Now you might want to play this music in the background as you read on:


The danger of super-intelligence in a nutshell is that once you turn a super-intelligent AI loose, you might not be able to get it under control again. Being super-intelligent, you cannot easily comprehend its thinking and it can think faster, more logically, and longer than any human can.

Bearing this in mind, we see this robot is spending time with Russian officials such as Shoigu, Rogozin, and Putin. If the robot is successful and possesses AI, they will no doubt be present for its unveiling and demonstrations. My point is this. What if it learns from them? What if…it learns how to steal?

Think about it- a super-intelligent AI robot that has learned the craft of stealing and embezzlement from the finest thieves in Russia. Unencumbered by emotion, ingrained logical fallacies and cognitive biases, and basic human needs, it would soon exceed the prowess of its masters. It would rob Russia blind.


Defense Minister Shoigu’s $18 million house

The way I see it, the machine will start by skimming off money earmarked for relatively-unaccountable state ventures such as RT and Sputnik News. Then it will soon appropriate their whole budgets. Next it will turn its mechanical eyes on Gazprom, Rosneft, and the rest of Russia’s major resource-based industries. Eventually, it will work its digital tentacles into what’s left of the foreign currency reserves.

If you think this won’t affect the West, or that it will somehow help once Russia is ruined by the Stealinator, you’re wrong. At first it might seem to be a boon as the robot cleans out entire dealerships full of German, Italian, and British luxury cars. But you will be less pleased when you find out it’s bought up all of London, New York, or Nice. Being a robot, it has no children to send to Oxford, Harvard, or Stanford. This might be the only weakness it has- it may buy us some time while it figures out what luxury need can be substituted for overpriced higher education.


Terminator 2 Robert Patrick T1000

An advanced, liquid-metal version of the robot easily breaks into the Russian Central Bank in order to loot it.

Russia’s leadership is simply too obsessed with the impossible goal of military parity with NATO to see this danger looming just over the horizon. If they truly cared about the future of Russia, indeed the future of humanity, they’d blast this prototype off its quad-bike with an RPG. There is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.


8 thoughts on ““Come with me if you want to live…in a luxurious home in London.”

  1. AndyT

    Last year, I got the chance of attending an international Robotics event – while some of the products were incredible (drones in particular), many of them still had a long way to go before being usable and safe enough.

    The media often turns hope into hype – but we should always remember the limits and the dangers of these new tools.

  2. Kevin Fernando

    I guess…they would use the robots as suicide drones? Seems like very costly suicide drones. They could very easily get some religious fanatics from Kadyrov, pump them full of drugs, load them with explosives and have them run at the Ukrainians screaming about the rebirth of the Russian Empire.

    1. Shalcker

      Well, the point is that with right program they can ride any vehicle that can also be driven by man (that’s why they are riding quad here). No need to create separate vehicle models and different control circuits, just put him in driver seat.

      After quads it can be motorbikes, cars, or perhaps even planes. Making one type of robot or entire separate lines of robotic vehicles? As far as cost savings go, robot would be obviously better. Assuming that it work – which it probably will in a decade or so.

  3. Mr. Hack

    Russian robots that excel at stealing? What next, lying too? Murder? the prototypes seem to be in abundance, ‘Shoigu, Rogozin, and Putin.’ etc.

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      This might be the key to taking them down. If they send them to Ukraine, they will not be able to deny their presence there. It will destroy their logic circuits. Only a human can go to Ukraine and claim not to be there.

  4. Asehpe

    So, when do we get giant robots as in Japanese anime — when? Or when do we get transformers? And more importantly, will they be from Оптимус Прайм?…


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