Two points. First, if you’re about the same age as me, you are now hearing the theme to The Neverending Story playing in your head. Second, I’m going to be a bit busy today so I’m going to keep the post short today.
A while back there was a fake story circulating through the Russian source carousel about how lustful Muslim migrants tried to molest some women in a club and got severely beaten by local men with the help of the police. I did a two-part piece on the story (PART I, PART II). The “lesson” of the story was that unlike limp-wristed Europeans with their “multiculturalism” and “tolerance,” Russian men are real men who won’t stand idly by and watch their Russian women be sexually abused. Well, except from the 3 million Russian women in prostitution, and all those Russian women who have been trafficked abroad for the purpose of sexual exploitation and slavery since 1991. From my experience they don’t give a shit about any of those women, but that’s another story. The point the story was trying to make is that Europe = Gayslamic Pedostan, and Russia = Manly Man Land.
Stories like these can have a long life, circulating all over the internet. Their appeal isn’t limited to Putin fanboys either; a lot of conservative-minded people in the US, for example, have a grudging admiration for Putin and the society they think he presides over. More importantly than any of that, the story confirms their prejudices about people from the Middle East. But one thing about urban legends on the internet is that they evolve…
OH HEY WHAT’S THIS? Turns out that Russia isn’t the only country that doesn’t go in for European “tolerance!” Seems that same bunch of migrants that got kicked out of Norway for “bad behavior” and into Russia managed to get back into Norway…after being kicked out of Russia for bad behavior! It’s Sex Offender Ping-Pong! Yes, this must be the same group of molesting refugees because this story seems to borrow the same exact phrasing as the Russian version. For those of you keeping score- they get kicked out of Norway and their first idea is to go sexually harass Russian women in a club. This starts a riot after which a number of them are hospitalized and the rest are jailed. Then they get deported back to Norway and try the same thing, only to get beaten by neo-Nazis. Won’t they ever learn?!
Nice try, Nazi morons. Should have stuck to writing sagas. Hell, I think I’ll do that right now!
Saga of the Ragnar and the Battle with the Migraelings from the Lands of the East
Here begins my tale. There is one I know, who is hight Ragnar, son of Snori, grandson of Sigurd! Ragnar did live in a small village in the realm of Midgard. One night Ragnar sought a bride, and he did journey to a mead hall in the next village over so that he might meet a fair maiden and demand her hand in marriage.
But lo! When Ragnar entered the mead hall his eyes met a frightening scene. The maidens were shrieking for aid as they were chased about the hall by a strange race of elves. These were the elves hight known as the Migraelings, who normally well in the East of Midgard, where snow falls not, nor do the rivers freeze…
Ragnar, being of the North and not like the submissive, woman-like Teuton tribes to the South whose patience for such things is as boundless as Father Odin’s sight, decided he would answer the lamentations of the maidens fair.
Ragnar took in hand his shield and drew his sword, whose blade was the height of a man and whose broadness was that of a man’s two palms held together.
“In the name of the Allfather Odin, his ravens, and Tyr, God of War,” he shouted with a voice so thunderous that it shook the timbers of the hall. “I bid thy favor in battle! Give me the power of the Aesir! The strength of the frost giant who built the Bifrost bridge into Asgard! May every honorable warrior hear my cry and come to my aid in this grave hour, that we may all sate our blades with blood!”
And forsooth, the Aesir did favor Ragnar, and warriors from many lands suddenly entered the mead hall and formed a wall of shields behind Ragnar, their leader in battle. And lo, they did look as if they were on the cover of a metal album, with axes broad as a man’s chest, and swords that had like, lightning crackling about their blades.
And the warriors did charge the dark elves and many did they hew down until every warrior waded in blood up to his knees. The Migraelings were defeated and not a single einherjar had entered Vahalla. Ragnar raised a horn of mead that had been mixed with the blood of the defeated gave thanks to Allfather Odin. And the Gods were pleased with Ragnar.