George W. Bush vs. Vladimir Putin

One thing I can’t understand about Putin is how so many conservative people, inside and outside of Russia, can’t stop talking about how manly he supposedly is. During St. Petersburg’s infamous international neo-fascist conference earlier this year, an anti-abortion, anti-LGBT speaker from Scotland displayed a slideshow of Putin’s various photo ops, commenting on what a “real man” the Russian dictator president is. It’s funny how people can look at obviously staged photo ops of a man apparently trying to nurture an image of toughness and actually fall for it hook, line, and sinker. Even people who aren’t Putin supporters, typically Western media types, buy into the myth.

In fact, I can think of another president who liked to project a certain macho image- George W. Bush. The difference is, however, that if we compare Bush to Putin, Bush actually comes out as more “manly,” by conventional standards. Given Bush’s economic background, that’s pretty pathetic to be out-manned by him. Let us see how they stack up.

First let’s start with the obvious- height. Who is bigger? George W. Bush is 1.82 meters, a full 12 cm taller than Vladimir Putin at 1.70 meters. Incidentally, Obama is taller than both of them.

“Why are you so short?”

Next let’s talk about horse riding. Everyone knows that photo of Putin riding a horse shirtless. Bush, on the other hand, has a ranch, where I’m sure he has several horses of his own. I also doubt he rides shirtless, because this is a desperate cry for attention from a man who lacks self confidence, possibly because he is very short.

What about voices? Bush doesn’t have a really deep voice, but he obviously spent time cultivating that Texan accent. It’s stupid as hell, but it is very masculine in a conventional sense. Putin on the other hand has a very soft voice, which is even worse when he speaks English. This does not sound good when you go on a rant about a bear frolicking in the forest eating berries and honey.

Remember how people said they’d rather have a beer with George W. Bush than Al Gore? I think they were imagining sitting at the bar with “Dubya,” in some Honky Tonk joint, discussing how one professional sports team scored more points than their opponents during their most recent match. Nobody wants to have a beer with Putin, ever. Nobody except Germany’s Gerhard Schroder, and even then they didn’t visit a bar. According to Putin himself, they were in a banya, i.e. a place where you’d only be wearing a towel and a stupid looking hat, with nothing else. And speaking of “Dubya,” Bush at least has a nickname. Putin’s nickname is “dickhead,” and it was invented in Ukraine, not Russia.

Not even Putin’s own family likes him. While George W. Bush is still married and probably sees his daughters often, Putin’s wife left him after years of estrangement, and at least one of his daughters lives abroad in what the Kremlin’s own media calls “Gayropa.” In fact, she lives in the Netherlands, the gayest of Gayropean countries. She prefers that to Russia. Putin has no real friends and if he’s smart he suspects the group of corrupt yes-men around him.

Now let’s talk about manly careers. Nobody can shut up about Putin being an ex-KGB agent. The problem is that in reality he had a desk job in East Germany. It’s not like he was some kind of trained assassin hunting down Mujehadeen leaders in Afghanistan.

Bush on the other hand, was often maligned for his curious military record during the Vietnam War. Compared a highly decorated Vietnam vet like John Kerry, Bush’s time in the Texas Air National Guard seems laughable. Compared to Putin, however…Well that’s a different story. George W. Bush flew fighter jets. This is something which can still be dangerous today, let alone in the 1960’s. What is more, George W. Bush famously landed on an aircraft carrier in 2003.


People got mad at Bush for wearing the flight suit, but think about it for a minute. George W. Bush actually earned a military uniform. By contrast, Putin loves to appear in military uniforms in spite of never serving in the military.

“BUT WHAT ABOUT IRAQ, NEOCON SCUM?!”  Yes, yes, I was just getting to that. See when Bush invaded Afghanistan, he said he’d do it, then he did it. He did the same with Iraq. Soldiers killed in both conflicts were and still are acknowledged for their service. When a few were captured, the government did what they could to recover them. Those who were killed were granted military funerals. Obviously veteran care in the US is seriously lacking, but it far eclipses that of Russia, which brings us to Putin’s conflict in Ukraine.

Like Bush, Putin used false pretenses to launch an opportunistic war on a far weaker country. Unlike Bush, however, Putin is too afraid to come out and admit it. While he whines about the horrors Ukraine is allegedly visiting upon poor, persecuted Russian speakers in the Donbas (excepting those who are now left on the government side, who are now “khlokhy” and “ukropi”), Putin and his government simultaneously insist that they have absolutely no involvement in this conflict in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Soldiers are buried anonymously, captured soldiers are disowned. Why does his media make claims about genocide against Russians, while he swears in public that he’s doing nothing to prevent it? Sanctions, of course. He and his rich friends are afraid of sanctions. Think about that for a second- If you believe all Putin’s rhetoric about Ukraine is true, you cannot avoid the fact that he’s letting Ukraine commit “genocide.”

Now some people might point out that unlike George W. Bush, Putin is an accomplished black belt in Judo. Indeed, but if you sounded and looked like Putin, you’d have to be. He’s even admitted that when he was a kid, people were constantly trying to kick his ass. Now he’s got to hope that if Ramzan Kadyrov ever gets mad at him, he can counter his boxing skills with a harai goshi.  Not an easy thing if nearly all your life you trained in straight Judo without dealing with strikes. This might also be a good time to point out that not only did Kadyrov actually serve in combat, but he did so in a guerrilla war against a far more powerful opponent. He also has a Hero of Russia award, unlike Putin. But this is about Putin vs. George W. Bush.

George W. Bush became president under suspicious circumstances, but at least he had the integrity to respect the rules and leave after 8 years. Not so for Putin. I couldn’t stand Bush as a president, but at least he’s gone. Imagine fifteen years of Bush. We’d be bogged down in a guerrilla war in Brazil or India by now. On the other hand, Putin has got his country bogged down in a war he can’t even admit to fighting, while he crushes cheese and fruit on his own borders in a hilarious attempt to wage economic war on countries with far more powerful economies than Russia’s.

Putin’s Western bootlickers often talk about how he’s the most attacked leader in the world. Please. Bush was under attack from day zero. The very legitimacy of his presidency was questioned (with good reason). Hell, he was ruthlessly attacked on his campaign, more for his speaking gaffes than things like, I don’t know, lying about the nature of the estate tax. Just like Putin, Bush was attacked as a tyrant post 9/11. Massive rallies took place across the country virtually every year. Entire media outlets sprouted up to challenge his propaganda. By contrast, Putin is afraid of independent media and especially protests. Bush had to weather a constant storm of criticism in a country whose media he didn’t control, with strong free speech laws that he couldn’t suppress the way Putin can do and has done. “Most attacked leader” my ass.

Bush is so secure in his manhood, he saw no problem holding hands with a Saudi prince. He was probably thinking: “So he wants to hold hands? Fine. I don’t give a shit. I don’t feel threatened.” 

"Hey, no big deal. Different strokes, am I right?"

“Hey, no big deal. Different strokes, am I right?”

Putin on the other hand, did this:

"Take a seat, Mr. President. Take a seat, right over there."

“Take a seat, Mr. President. Take a seat, right over there.”

Draw your own conclusions.

So if you’ve been keeping score, I think the facts are obvious at this point. If conventional masculinity is your thing, George W. Bush beats Putin in almost every category. If you look up to Putin as a manly role model, it’s your own conventional masculinity that is in question. And if you literally look up to Putin, you’re probably Dmitry Medvedev.*

*No disrespect intended toward Dmitry Medvedev, easily one of Russia’s top three presidents who presided over what seems like a Golden Age compared to the present. Also unlike Putin, Medvedev left the presidency, and he can also dance:


24 thoughts on “George W. Bush vs. Vladimir Putin

  1. fcvaduz

    A fascist led junta led by Quebec takes power in Canada. The brave tractor farmers of Ontario fight against the repressive Quebecois and begins shelling Toronto. American citizens and English speakers in Canada plead with America for help. Could a US President survive whilst acknowledging the genocide of his own people? They’d be out in a minute…

    1. Callum Carmichael

      “A fascist Junta lead by Quebec takes power in Canada”.

      OK, if we’re gonna start by dealing in fantasy, why not have the CN Tower suddenly become the eye of Sauron while Mount Royal becomes Mount Doom.

      Seriously though, other than completely misrepresenting the situation in Ukraine, you could at least use plausible analogies concerning Canadian politics. Or, hell, demographics and cultural attitudes.

      Just to be clear: there are as many or more fascists on the separatist side as on the Ukrainian side, and there is no genocide underway in Donbass. Military deaths have significantly outnumbered civilian deaths in Ukraine since figfhting began.

      1. Jim Kovpak Post author

        Not to mention the fact that Putin is implicitly telling the world that he’s doing nothing to stop the “genocide” he claims is happening. That makes him a petukh.

      2. fcvaduz

        Think you entirely missed my point. That’s exactly how the situation is described by Russia. But yet they allege that they are doing nothing to help…

    1. Jim Kovpak Post author

      I checked and yes, he did judo and sambo. Also unlike Putin, he actually served in the army; after getting in a fight with some of the commission members(also badass), he was sent to Kazakh SSR for his service. Poroshenko actually made his money in a more honest fashion than Putin, and his company provides a product people want, whereas Putin produces jack shit except for weird photo ops.

      Poroshenko’s dilapidated, totally unprepared military also managed to wreck Russia’s “Novorossiya” dream, leaving them with nothing but an enclave around two cities that Russia has to foot the bill for.

      Poroshenko > Putin. QED.

  2. Shalcker

    Have you actually seen proof of Putin’s daughter living in Netherlands?

    Because “Russian TV” claimed it was hoax and officials involved later recanted their statements; it would be nice to see them actually proven wrong.

    1. Shalcker

      Seriously, if you could confirm that you would be able to convince at least quarter, or perhaps even as much as half of current “patriots” that this entire Ukrainian charade is some kind of play with West while West holds him by the balls.

      Would be much more convincing then even alleged 40 billions of Putin’s money held somewhere outside of Russia.

      1. Shalcker

        Has he actually confirmed that she was there? Or did he read about in newspapers like everyone else and assumed it’s true?

        The only photo (in tabloid Daily Mail) seems to depict someone different, later articles claim that she fled Holland (which might as well be deflection from “we couldn’t found her, therefore she must have fled!”), and in November 2014 Putin claimed all his daughters are in Russia.

        At least for Ekaterina Navalnyi claims that she leads “National Intellectual Reserve Center” in Russia. Some also said that as she said to have studied biology (as her personal preference) that “Flying with Cranes” by Putin was also her idea to bring greater awareness to endangered species.

      2. Jim Kovpak Post author

        Oh Putin said that? Well he’s trustworthy as he’s always told the truth before. I’m aware of what the second daughter does in Russia(no doubt well paid of course), but if he has a problem with rumors about them it’s his own fault for being so secretive about them.

        I find it hard to believe that they’d make up a story about Putin’s daughter living in the Netherlands, with a named boyfriend.

      3. Shalcker

        Well, the problem with Putin’s daughters for Western outlets is that there is giant amount of “plausible deniability” about them. Anyone they call in Russia who might know about them either refuses outright, denies knowing anything (or having any connection with them), or says he is not sure what kind of talk is allowed and what kind of talk isn’t so they would rather not talk at all.

        That doesn’t leave much room for real “investigative journalism”; noone claims to have caught them on film as far as i’m aware.

  3. Paul Canning (@pauloCanning)

    Nemtsov >

    It is time to decide which one of us patriot and who natspredatel. Let’s take as a criterion the place of residence of children. All of my children live in Russia, in Moscow. Children Kasyanov, Navalny and Gudkov, too.
    Putin’s two daughters Maria and Katerina live in Europe (before the crash Boeing Mary lived in Holland, Katerina in Germany. Now both in Germany.
    Lavrov’s daughter Katherine graduated from Columbia University (New York), she lives in the United States.
    Daughter of Vice-Speaker of the EP Zheleznyaka living in Switzerland Europeanization Katya, Nastya and Lisa in London.
    Two sons of the President of Russian Railways Yakunin live in Europeanization Andrey in Switzerland, Victoria in London.
    Fetisov The child lives in the United States and can not speak Russian.
    Children Kozak, Nikonov also studied and lived abroad.
    The wrestler with the orphans Astakhov, prefers to give birth in Nice and train them in Europe.
    A fighter for traditional values, Orthodoxy and nationality law co scoundrels Mizulina sent his son Kolya to study and live in Belgium.
    And now the question: Who among us patriot and who natspredatel? The authority or the opposition?

    1. Shalcker

      You do realise this doesn’t match Navalny claims? That Ekaterina is head of certain fund and now even deputy vice-rector in MGU? Or you do you believe she does everything remotely?


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