Gimme back my spicy pickles

So today’s big news is the mass destruction of embargoed foodstuffs by Russian customs authorities. It seems that the little man in charge is determined to make Russia a laughing stock of the world at all costs. What’s my opinion? Let me tell you this- I’m no Shaun Walker. I can’t even pretend to tell the difference between real imported ricotta and the Belorussian knockoffs which happen to be far cheaper. All I know is the Belorussian and Russian knockoffs work pretty damned well in my four-cheese eggplant lasagna.

There is something that pisses me off when people whine about the destruction of their precious cheeses, however. You see I’ve been living under personal sanctions since roughly 2007-2008. That time frame coincides with the mysterious disappearance of spicy pickles from the shelves of Russia’s supermarkets. They look like any other jar of pickles save for some red chili peppers floating around in the brine. Where the fuck did they go? Who took them?

Go to any Russian supermarket. Go to something elite like Azbuka Vkusa or Alye Parusa. Hell, go to a little produkty shop. It doesn’t matter. They don’t exist. They’re gone, gone forever.

Whose decision was this? Why that product? Was it too spicy for the delicate Russian palate? People are screaming about these idiotic “counter-sanctions” that have been in effect only one year, yet not a word, not one word, about the total disappearance of this product. People just act like the spicy pickles never existed.

You cheese lovers, you jamon eaters, you ignored the warning. First they came for the spicy pickles, and you didn’t speak up because you didn’t eat spicy pickles. Now they’ve come for your favorite foods and there’s nobody to speak up for you. Poetic justice.

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6 thoughts on “Gimme back my spicy pickles

  1. Asehpe

    There certainly is, though, a certain enjoyable comedic element to the idea of bulldozers being used to destroy imported cheese. It’s almost like an old Tom & Jerry cartoon…

    Reply

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