Don’t touch the olivier

So apparently the New Year’s festivities were marked by an unusual or perhaps usual number of homicides involving edged weapons, including in one case a samurai sword. A goddamned samurai sword.

Now one thing we learn in military history is that in most battles, wounded tend to outnumber the KIA. Also, the human body has a remarkable ability to survive an unbelievable amount of stab wounds, especially in modern times when those wounds can be disinfected. This means that while the link above records some notable deaths, it’s quite possible that a far greater number of people were stabbed yet survived. That number would also have to include people beaten by fists or blunt objects, plus people stabbed with improvised weapons such as pens, pencils, forks, screwdrivers, letter openers, hat pins, knitting needles, and shashlik skewers.  I have always said one of Russia’s greatest qualities is the knack for improvisation; unable to simply shoot their offenders dead as would a lazy American, the enraged Russian is capable of wielding a limitless arsenal of makeshift weapons which would otherwise be little more than household objects.

By far the most interesting story from the article was the first:

Mind the Olivier Salad

On New Year’s Eve, a 42-year-old man in the Voronezh region learned the hard way not to tamper with his food.

He and a 41-year-old woman he’d met over the Internet two weeks earlier decided to ring in the New Year together with the salad loved by all Russians, Olivier, according to regional news website

But the man unwittingly spilled the salad and wound up stepping in it, an error for which he paid with his life: The woman stabbed him repeatedly in the chest with a knife.

What started out as a heartwarming romantic story turned deadly when he mistakenly ruined some olivier salad. Now you decadent, souless Western pigs might not understand the concept of killing someone over some ruined salad, but you don’t know olivier. Personally I would compare it to American potato salad, something you won’t get here unless you plan to make it yourself from scratch.

This is no isolated incident, either. Check out this chaos in Sevastopol when some moron thought it would be a good idea to give out free olivier.

Moral of the story? Russians love them some olivier salad. Best not to get between it and them.



2 thoughts on “Don’t touch the olivier

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