These people are children

Two stories from the Moscow Times serve as great examples of the child-like mentality of Russia’s leadership.  The first is about a guide for migrant workers in Russia, put out by the Orthodox Church. It offers helpful hints such as:

Don’t speak too loudly in public. Don’t wave your arms and hands on public transportation. And don’t push. 

In other words, don’t act like Russians.  Knowing full well how Russians behave in Moscow, I’d like to add my own tips to the guide for Central Asian and Caucasian immigrants. I don’t know why, however, because in my more than 8 years of experience I’ve never seen Central Asians or Caucasians engaging in any of the behaviors I’m about to list here.

-Don’t get drunk on a playground surrounded by several apartment buildings, shouting and screaming well into the night.

-Don’t get in a drunken fight with your girlfriend just below an apartment block after midnight.

-Don’t start singing your stupid football hooligan songs at 2 in the fucking morning.

-Don’t set off fireworks after midnight for no particular holiday.

-Don’t be drinking a beer while you push your baby around at 11 in the morning.

-Don’t plaster metro stations with stickers bearing neo-Nazi symbols.

All of the above behaviors are common occurrences I have observed, sometimes on a daily basis, for years. In all these cases the culprits are ethnic Russians, displaying a total disregard for everyone around them.  But you immigrants, you need to make sure you don’t do these things!

One particularly idiotic passage in the guide concerns the topic of behavior toward women.

The book also warns migrants to be chivalrous toward women: “In Russia, there are many unhappy families and single women because many men die early or perish in wars and conflicts. But Russian women regard themselves highly and require respect. If someone offends them, then their male relatives and the state will defend them.”

If you counted every word I’ve ever written on this blog since its inception in September of 2013, that sum would only constitute but a fraction of the words I would need to explain how idiotic the above statement is.  First of all, what wars and conflicts are supposedly claiming young Russian men today? The whole Russian government swears up and down that it isn’t a party to the conflict in Ukraine. Also if Putin’s done so much for Russia, why are so many Russian men still apparently dying early?  Never mind that for a second. What they are leaving out is that many single women, the women that they’re so sure will get harassed by foreigners, are single because they don’t see great prospects among young Russian men. That’s not to say they can’t find adequate mates, but they just don’t find them as quickly and therefore they are single.

As for the matter of Russia defending its women, well…There’s still this.

All in all, this is just another example of how Russia’s intelligentsia, if you can call the leadership of the Orthodox church thus, is totally disconnected from reality. Many Russians have created a fantasy about themselves, which does not fool any foreigner who has encountered them on a regular basis. In the minds of many of these drooling morons, Russia is this simple, fairy tale land where men are respectable fathers and patriots, and women are demure, modest maidens waiting patiently to get married and start bearing children.  The reality is something quite different:

Treat these ladies with respect!

Treat these ladies with respect!

It is also another example of psychological projection, whereby some Russians imagine that all their social problems must come from somewhere else. If it’s not America, the Jews, the Masons, the reptilian shape-shifters, or the insidious “creative class” 5th columnists, it’s Caucasians and Central Asians. All these various groups force Russians to drink to excess in the middle of the day or into the early hours of the morning. They force them to throw their trash everywhere. They force their bureaucrats to steal money. It’s always someone else’s fault. Always.

Anyway, our next story in the Parade of Dipshittery involves the head of Russia’s drug control administration. According to his theory, Euromaidan happened because Ukraine apparently has methadone treatment, and therefore “cults” used drugs to induce people to overthrow their own government.  Let me rephrase that for the reader:  The head of Russia’s organ dedicated to the control of illegal drugs does not know how drugs work.  This is the equivalent to having a Fed chairman who says something like, “Well you’re the government right? Why don’t you just print more money? Duh!

He’s not alone though. The drug hypothesis was actually floated some time during the Maidan protests, and recently a story on Russian TV(of course) claimed that Ukrainian military personnel “injected” a teenage boy with “drugs” and sent him into separatist territory to spy for them. Many Russians apparently think this is how drugs work- you give someone some drugs, and then they become your zombie to control.

Anyone with even a basic understanding of heroin or other opiates knows that people under the influence of such drugs make poor revolutionaries. Even as cannon fodder they are pretty useless unless you are strapping them to some kind of armored vehicle to defend against shaped-charged weapons. Perhaps you can stack their passed out bodies on top of one another like sandbags, but they aren’t going to offer much protection until their dead and frozen solid. Nope, I’m just not seeing any potential military value in junkies.

This is your average dude on heroin. Somehow I don’t see him storming any barricades or doing deep, undercover espionage missions.

Well folks, what more proof do you need when I say that complete, full potato morons are in charge of Russia? This is a country where, when their currency starts to tank, one reaction from a member of the Duma is to accuse their own central bank of working for the United States.  This is a country where the president goes on TV and says that state revenue will rise thanks to the falling ruble.  This is a country where the guy in charge of combating Russia’s drug problem does not know what drugs actually do to a person.  This is a country where men occupy high academic positions as “geopolitical experts,” spending most of their time pontificating on the topic of the United States without having visited that country or even speaking English.

You achieve your position thanks to your friends, and the usefulness of your message, not by merit. Your statements need not be challenged or backed up with any evidence, because of course nobody can really know the truth! 

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