The news sucks

Gee, I wonder what news there is from Russia today? Oh shit, it’s the same headlines we’ve been reading for fucking months now!

There’s a new Cold War! 

Wow! How original! And this time it comes from former Soviet leader Gorbachev, no less! This somehow makes it far more relevant than the other 12.6 million “Oh shit it’s a new Cold War” articles dating back to the early 2000’s or something.

Putin and Merkel bla bla bla….

Merkel whines about Russian involvement in Ukraine without considering her own country’s previous interference in Ukrainian politics.  Putin whines and pretends that Germany and all those European countries are under the control of the US. Of course he’s just looking out for the interests and human rights of the Donetskian Novorossiyan people, but he’s definitely not actually doing anything to support their cause. That’s just Western propaganda to justify their sanctions!

Oh no! China and Russia are getting closer together!

Our first story concerns claims that China and Russia are “considering” building a Moscow-Beijing high-speed railway line. First of all, Russia “considers” a lot of things. They’ve been considering this phantom electronic payments system for years now. Or perhaps they’ve been thinking about it but they need six months to develop it. Oh no wait, it’s already built, it just needs to be switched on. You’ll see! You’ll all see!

Second, let me explain exactly what will happen if this actually gets off the ground. Basically within the first phase of the project, the Chinese will get their part of the railway line in place, probably on schedule.  Sure, some bureaucrats will try to skim money off the budget; China is not immune to problems of corruption. But China also has a decent go-to remedy for corruption known as jail time. China will do its part because China gets shit done. That’s why China doesn’t lecture the world about “spiritual values” and other pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

Anyway, the wonderful project will suddenly run into major problems, coincidentally on the Russian side of the border.  Timetables will go awry, budgets shall runneth over many times. Lord help Russia if any significant portion of that missing money comes from the Chinese side.  As this article points out, China isn’t going to go running to some arbitration court if the Russian government tries to pull the kind of shenanigans it does with other foreign investors and domestic businessmen.

This is precisely what the media and the pro-Kremlin Russophiles simply don’t understand about the relationship between Russia and China. First of all, in many of these trade deals China is paying in dollars, not rubles. Secondly, assuming China invests in Russia to replace the massive capital flight from that country, they will expect results. The Kremlin can talk about seizing foreign assets of Western businesses all it likes, but what’s it going to do when it’s China’s money on the line?  There is no “China-Moscow” alliance; it is only China sensing Russia’s weakness and setting up its pieces for the kill.  Don’t believe me? Check out the other “Oh no China and Russia” story:

China Embraces a Russia Cut off From Western Capital

Yeah, embraces.

From the article:

The deepening ties between Russia and China may reverberate throughout East Asia as Putin meets his neighbor’s desire for state-of-the-art weaponry. Russia is likely to sign contracts for the delivery of S-400 missile systems and Su-35 fighter jets to China as early as the first quarter of next year, says Vasily Kashin, a China expert at the Centre for Analysis of Strategies and Technologies in Moscow. Russia may also supply China with its newest submarine, the Amur 1650, he says.

Xie xie, tongzhi! Zhe hao! That means that China’s PLA will know all about Russia’s best weapons, and possibly be fielding more of those weapons than the Russian armed forces themselves, seeing as how Russia’s military modernization program has turned out to be a big bust. So I’m terribly sorry but the Moscow-Beijing Axis just isn’t happening. Sorry, Eurasianist dipshits. Sorry, Cold Warrior chicken littles.

And so that’s your news from this part of the world this week. Stay tuned for updates next week, when some other expert warns of a new Cold War, Putin cries about sanctions while simultaneously claiming that they are totally ineffective, and various pundits warn of a Sino-Russian Red Dawn-style invasion of the West Coast.  In other words, same bullshit, different day.

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