So we’ve got another article about millennials her- No! Wait! Come back! I promise this will be worth it. We’re going to play a little game. Start reading this millennial manifesto and see if you can pinpoint the exact line in the text where the author of the article stopped typing and began masturbating furiously. I’m thinking it was the end of paragraph 6 or 7.

Seriously though, I am as sick of millennial bashing as the next guy, but this kind of triumphalism just reminds me of some dorky kid who tells off the bullies when they are out of earshot. Nothing about millennials is subversive. Okay so they have great technical skills. No shit. One time that massive edge in technical skill included such things as knowing how to drive a car or operate a doorknob. Technology advances and new generations rush to embrace it.  But does this scare corporations? No. All those gadgets associated with millennials happen to be produced by, you guessed it- corporate America. As for the workers to produce them? No problem, there’s always China.

What about working in cubicles and doing the whole 9-to-5 thing? Well I simply refuse to believe that you can’ t find a shit-ton of millennials in the US working in nose-to-grindstone, dead end jobs, and possibly counting themselves as lucky to have them. Millennials don’t seem to be any closer to bringing back America’s militant labor union movement so they certainly aren’t scaring corporate America on that front.

What about fashion? Hipsters? Art? The “creative class?”  Well, those things aren’t really subversive. All those products one buys to differentiate oneself from “the masses” are sold via the capitalist market, and wherever you have consumers competing to distinguish themselves, capitalism will thrive as firms and individuals happily rush in to feed the  demand. The old New Left idea, that capitalism requires conformity, was discredited decades ago. The hippies had a message that was essentially the same as that of this millennial writer, and yet what happened to them and their allegedly subversive movement? They became the very people this author is railing against. Someone really ought to remind her about that.

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