Novorossiya News! Uraaaaaaaarrrrlaggggggggh!!!!

So apparently “Novorossiya” now has its own news service, and they’re looking for writers. I figured I’d give it a go, in hopes that Novorossiya News might actually publish the articles it solicits from writers.  Here’s my sample article for Novorossiya News Agency:

 

Ukrainian Fascist SS Banderites slaughter 200 Orthodox Russian orphan children in Western Donetsk People’s Socialist Republic of Anti-Fascist Russian Empire

SLAVYANSK- Tragedy struck today as members of the Ukrainian 1st Waffen SS Panzergrenadier Division “Stepan Bandera” brutally murdered over 200 blind Russian orphans after capturing the group home where they were sheltering from non-stop artillery bombardment. Prior to murdering the children, members of the fascist unit forced their victims to recite the American Pledge of Allegiance, in English, adding a line about “gay marriage for all.”  Then the bloodthirsty killers shouted “Heil Hitler and Tolerance” and slaughtered the helpless children where they stood.  Such is the fate of any who stand in the way of Jewish-Zionist-Nazi-Banderite Globalization NWO hegemony.

Fortunately, the brave forces of Novorossiya fight on, and vow to avenge the children as well as establish a truly free state, in which everyone will be required by law to be Orthodox and speak Russian.  Novorossiya does not need Euro-American “freedom.” In spite of the fact that Europeans and Americans can choose any religion or no religion, and in spite of the fact that they can elect different leaders from opposing parties, their freedom and their democracy is a total sham! True democracy means having an established religion and having independence under an unelected Moscow businessman who runs away when things get too hot. FUCK OFF NATO!

Also the defense ministry of the Donetsk Tsarist Peoples Soviet Socialist Republic of Russian Orthodoxy and Novorossiya once again puts out an appeal to faggot-loving anti-fascists all over the world, including in Gaymerica and Gayropa, inviting them to come here and fight and die to help us establish an openly right-wing, xenophobic, Russian nationalist state. Should you survive the conflict, we will give you our thanks and kindly ask you to return to your degenerate, fag-infested, tolerant countries which are bound to collapse any day now. Please help us fight the fascists!  NO PASORAN!!!!

STOP FASCISM! Help our superior white brothers defeat the dastardly, Jew-controlled dark-skinned Ukrainians! Did I mention we're fighting against fascism?

STOP FASCISM! Help our superior white brothers defeat the dastardly, Jew-controlled dark-skinned Ukrainians! Did I mention we’re fighting against fascism?

 

 

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