One of the most pathetic stories coming out of Russia as of late is the random temporary closing of various McDonald’s restaurants in Moscow and other parts of Russia. These closures were attributed to “sanitation” concerns after some surprise inspections which coincidentally started happening after the announcement of the foodstuffs ban. If you’re familiar with life in Russia, you already know that the phony reasons behind this pathetic, impotent, passive-aggressive swipe are bullshit. But in case you aren’t familiar, here are the tell-tale signs. 

-These surprise inspections have thus far only taken place in McDonald’s restaurants, some of them prominently located in the center of Moscow. Subway, Papa John’s, Starbucks, and Burger King appear to be totally unaffected.  

-It’s very clear from the response that McDonald’s is seen as a symbol of America. Some of these dipshits may believe that it is somehow vital to the American economy. Of course in reality the people most hurt by this are all Russian, from franchise owners, to workers, to the people who just need to take a piss and can’t find a public toilet.  

-There are plenty of restaurants far less sanitary than McDonald’s. I don’t want to suggest that Russian restaurants, at least in the center, are unsanitary.But outside of Moscow many of these places leave much to be desired and any McDonald’s would kick their ass in terms of sanitation any day. 

-If Russia’s sanitation experts are concerned about public health, I recommend they visit the waiting room of the main hospital in Chekhov, Moscow region. The “patient’s” toilet had no seat, there was no toilet paper, and there was no soap. This is a fucking hospital.

Of course this is being treated as some kind of massive triumph by the “patriotic” crowd, which coincidentally shares a great deal of overlap with the Russian McDonald’s consumer demographic, as well as the “paid money to avoid army service” and the “went to Barcelona rather than the Crimea” demographic groups.  If only they were cognizant of how stupid and pathetic this looks. If only they took to heart reality- that this impotent, passive-aggressive move was taken in emotional haste, and thus actually hurts Russians rather than anyone else.  Just like with the foodstuffs ban, your business or job can suddenly disappear overnight because some men who couldn’t reduce their constant stealing just a little so as to build a stronger, more influential country get insecure on the global stage.  

Don’t worry though. Reality will start to set in soon enough, and when it does watch for all those “liberals,” “oppositionists,” “democrats,” and “dissidents” to suddenly appear.  They’re the same people who sat up and begged when master pretended to give you a couple crumbs off the table, actually robbing you in the first place.  As for me, I’m giving those folks my pre-emptive “Fuck you.”



2 thoughts on “Passive-Aggresive

  1. Bandersnatch

    If Russia could just stop hitting itself long enough to think, it would realize there are about a trillion more productive ways to run their country and deal with foreign opposition.


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