And now a word from our sponsor! (satire warning)

Hello Friend! Are you requiring the services of Public Relations firm? Why not come to us, Ivanov & Kuznetsov? We are experienced, veteran PR agency with over ten years of PR management for United Russia party. When is situated disaster for your company, government, or political career, Ivanov & Kuznetsov can to help you succeed! Only listen to the words of our satisfied customers! All testimonies really were happened!

When the local news station ran a story calling me a slumlord, I thought I was in big trouble. I went to Ivanov & Kuznetsov and they really turned things around for me and my business.  They ran stories about how the local reporters were all landlordophobic. They showed how my apartments are nowhere near as bad as those in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro, or in fact those of most of the world’s major cities. They also said that the nearby luxury loft condos were due to collapse any minute, particularly due to the large number of gay and lesbian residents.  They even accused the local news station of being paid to do the story by the US Department of State! I sure got my money’s worth!      -Larry Felton, Brooklyn, NY

 

I thought my political career was over after I got drunk and punched a flight attendant last year. Luckily a friend gave me the number of Ivanov & Kuznetsov. They ran stories showing that the flight attendant had provoked me, possibly because she had been paid by the US State Department.  They found some stories about politicians in other countries who had done far worse. They also pointed out that in Saudi Arabia, the flight attendant would have been arrested and possibly beheaded for failing to cover herself and for telling a man to fasten his safety belt. Thanks, Ivanov & Kuznetsov!  -John Bradford, Kansas City, MO

 

When our company was featured on Dateline for dumping toxic chemicals into the local water supply and abusing undocumented immigrant workers in ridiculously unsafe facilities, our rivals had a field day. That is until we hit back by calling Ivanov &  Kuznetsov. Not only did they run ads exposing our competitors as Neo-Nazis, they also did the genealogy on the Dateline reporter and found out that he is a direct descendent of Hitler. He also did some work for the US State Department. And he’s gay too.  You saved our business, Ivanov & Kuznetsov!   – Todd Robbins, CEO Freedom Co. Petro-chemicals and Food Processing 

 

I thought my career in music was finished after I released my last country western album which featured singles like “Stop talkin’ bout slavery,” “The South shall rise again(and kick some ass),” and “We fought on the wrong side(in WWII).”  That’s when I called Ivanov & Kuznetsov. At first I was hesitant to get help from a bunch of commie Russkies, but they really earned their paycheck. They ran a documentary on the History channel which proved that the entire music industry was really nothing but a US State Department Psy-op, and they also said that everyone who works in the recording industry is gay. They even compared my songs to skinhead rock to show that they weren’t so racist after all!     -Jimmy Pickens, Country Western music star

 

Now you are seeing what Ivanov & Kuznetsov have did for other clients! If you have problem, call us, and see what we can do for you!  At Ivanov & Kuznetsov, we like to say the following:  “There is no problem what cannot to be solved by calling your accusers gay Nazis who are paid by US State Department.” 

 

 

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One thought on “And now a word from our sponsor! (satire warning)

  1. Pingback: Everyone We Don’t Like Is Hitler | Russia Without BS

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